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Re: Look into the Belly

Re: Look into the Belly


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Posted by Amanda on September 13, 1999 at 14:31:11:

In Reply to: Look into the Belly posted by Sam on September 12, 1999 at 19:15:05:

Hi Sam

Thankyou for your kind words....every little bit helps.

I need to clarify something. I'm not living with everybody else's integrity - but my own. Living with integrity, to me, is about being honest - both with myself and with others. This has proved to be a painful process for me and one that has profoundly altered my life.

For such a long time I have chosen to only ever focus on the good - and turn a blind eye to the bad. Unfortunately, the truth got buried beneath the denial into the process. Once I became 'aware' of the truth though, I knew I had to take action. For me, this meant ending my marriage of 19+ years. I now find myself, at nearly 40 years of age, on my own - for the first time since I was 16. I have two teenage children whose lives have been completely turned around. I have the responsibility of caring for my terminally ill mother - who is more supportive of my ex than of me (although I'm sure she's trying to understand) - to say that my decision has caused a great deal of upheaval for many people is an understatement.

Add to this the accompanying emotional issues - not to mention the financial ones - and you have a recipe for the penultimate bad-hair day! I'm sure you can't blame me for sometimes wishing that I had remained blissfully ignorant....I find the price of awareness high.

I've had to face tough things before - and I have lived through, and grown from the experience. I'm sure I'll get there this time as well. It's just hard - that's all.

Amanda


: Will you share something with me...
: Will you tell me about the mud at the bottom of the pit. That mud
: is the muck of judgment covering you, smothering you - living with everybody
: elses integrity.

: There is nothing in you that must change. You were born perfect, and
: under the mud is your perfection - it is there. Perhaps your sharing
: will help me find my born perfection. If you help me I will help you.

: I don't mean the perfection as defined by others, I speak to the grace
: of yourself - you experience it all the time, but perhaps do not yet
: see that; and finding that awareness, more will be shared with others.

: You have done so on this board, I feel your words and my life has shifted
: in awareness - thank you for your grace. You have much to share, and to gift
: to others, I hope I may experience some more.

: Sam




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