You've been asked this question before...

Posted by Cory on September 13, 1999 at 15:29:27:

This isnt the first time you've been asked this, and I've seen a post on here asking the same thing but here it goes...
WHAT SHOULD I DO IN LIFE?
I am 18, a 4w5 INFP (with a very close INTP "wing"), high school diploma, male, unfortunately living in the kingdom of plastic pretense Southern California, with a very dull meaningless job as a stock help at a department store, with very few interests. I get up at 5 am to go to work (where I get in trouble constantly for daydreaming), then I come home around noon and go straight to my computer and post on a philosophy board. Later during the day, I'll read some books...usually philosophy, enneagram and the MB, bizarre fact books, and classic literature. Then I have two conservative, conforming parents who are incredibly down to earth...the stereotypical SJ guardians. I think my mom might be a 2 and my dad a 6. Not a very stable guess. I also have a younger sister, who is quite shallow and makes fun of my philosophical interest. And to top it off, I am in an unhealthy state. Its been a considerable time since I've written prose or poetry, or since I've acted out my creative impulses. Suddenly I'm denying my feeling side...all together...I start worshipping reason and have an irrational urge to control others and subjugate them. My elitism gets wildly out of control. My apathy sucks at my soul's blood like a leech. There doesn't seem to be any way out of this mad maze because no matter where I turn to I'm stuck...its almost like I have to conform to society and go to college...just enter into the machine and become a clone: Go to college, get a good job, get married, have kids, retire. What if I refuse to be a robot? Sometimes I hint to my parents about non-conformity and complain about my really miserable job and they just go "Well, thats life. Live with it." So now I have to ACCEPT life? I can't fight it??? I cannot stand up for what I believe in, even if it kills me but instead be a passive sheep and follow the shepherd? Not just happiness, but satisfication from life will always be unattainable to me...what I seek is out of grasp. If I were to be happy, I would have to adapt and conform to life...which I refuse to do. I am not surrendering just to avoid being killed. Look at all these "I"'s....is it any wonder I've been described as self-centered and self-absorbed? Why would YOU even care about ME? Who cares about someone ranting about their dreadful life? What the hell, I don't know why I am writing this...normally I would write a tirade like this in my journal, but since i've become apathetic about adding to it lately, you get to be the recipient.

Anyways, I'm sorry. I hope I'm not wasting anybody's time...its just I am at a crisis in my life and need a decision, one which will make its imprint on my soul until death.

-Cory

Follow Ups:

• Re: You've been asked this question before... Hal 10:54:25 9/14/99 (0)
• Re: You've been asked this question before... Ev 17:36:33 9/13/99 (6)
  • You mean I'm part of the masses? =oO Cory 22:45:07 9/13/99 (2)
    • Re: You mean I'm part of the masses? =oO Tiggy 23:56:07 9/13/99 (0)
    • Re: You mean I'm part of the masses? =oO Ev 23:18:16 9/13/99 (0)
  • Re: You've been asked this question before... Ronnie 17:57:32 9/13/99 (2)
    • I can't imagine a four in the navy! Actually, my dad encouraged me to go into it..."they got computer jobs, you like computers"...which is true. Anyways, its comforting to know I'm not alone in my indecision :) Cory (no text) 22:47:09 9/13/99 (0)
    • Words of "wisdom" from an old man Ev 19:23:39 9/13/99 (0)

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