I love this thread...

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: : : Thank you for your so open posts, Sam : : : They are a great comfort to me. I wish I could meet you. : : : I think what you say re connecting with Spirit - getting the other noise out of the way - is the only way. We can do that by meditating, which can be quite difficult especially on our own, but I think we can also remember who we are. That we are not this ego that we're so busy defending. I think it's so hard for 'fours because they are quite deep and spiritual or at least their ego defenses are . Its the same defences that are also our gifts that make it hard. Like our authenticity which can express itslef as a stiving for the true self, a connection with spirit. But we can also make a false god, an idol out of that virtue, in the sense that we exclude other virtues and place that one above all else. Then we can get into problems. This vice/virtue dichotomy can be very confusing. We can go along on our virtue of authenticity thinking we are doing and saying the right things, while all the time we are losing sight of our true selves. : : : I say these things to people feeling I'm being authentic and courageous, and when they lash out at me or push me away, I forget that I am one with God, that 'nothing can seperate us from the love of God' and feel dreadful rather than strong, because my neuroses step in and make me crumple. I'm St. Joan without any armour. : : : People say I've got to change. While I see it as my vocation to speak out the truth and challenge people. They say I've got to toe the line and conform. I'm so miserable and lonely now - I feel they are trying to deprive me of even my self. : : : Rachel. : : Hi, Sam. I might be reiterating what others have said, but anyway: First, I am an eldest child, the only four in the family, with a 3w2 younger sister and 8w9 younger brother, much more practical and grounded than I am. I was always the historian of the family, spending time as a child in the dark unfinished basement trying to preserve the old pictures and films, which the others seemed to think was a waste of my time. Holding onto the past like a true four. : : One of the Enneagram Book's talks about the Healthy Number and the Average Number. It is my understanding that the totally supreme Healthy four is the one who can combine the right mix of objectivity (from the ones), along with our own fourish spirituality and creativity to live each day as that the creative, spiritual, objective work of art. This I know is next to impossible for us; it is that aim we aspire to that is just out of our grasp, because all those four feelings and moods (that give us such a fix) pull us away from that unattainable ability. : : However, take the next category, the average four. The really good average four is one who, while not able TO BE (or live life as) a work of art, will still be able to CREATE a work of art (see my messages with Nathan). And this creation is often enough to pull us out of our past and future ruminations about ourselves and force us to focus on creating something we can be proud of. You earlier mentioned dancing. You see, you are creating something beautifully fourish and didn't realize it. The more you can focus on disciplining yourself DAILY or MONTHLY to engage in these sorts of activities, whether dancing, aerobics, meditation, painting, even cultivating a healthy interest in another person (as in relationship) you will take the focus off yourself, and serve your soul as well. And eventually you will look in the mirror and realize that you are reaching the very emotional heights you feared you could not attain. __J : : I wish I had more time to respond to all this, but in truth I don't have too much to add. All great reminders of who we are, what we need to do, what's really important, and how to stay centered in it all. I could talk about this stuff all day. It's so easy to get sidetracked with all that goes on in our days... : - Hal -

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