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Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive Re: I don't know...Posted by heatherb on June 17, 2001 at 04:03:08: In Reply to: I don't know... posted by Emily on June 17, 2001 at 03:41:14: : : What's wrong? : == : I don't like talking about it. For one, it's something that most people wouldn't see as a reason to feel this way, and two, it's just not one of those problems that I want to throw out for all the world to see. I'm ashamed of myself. I couldn't take any negative responses or criticism or "helpful" advice. : It's tearing me apart, and it's forcing me to lose my hope. It's this raw, helpless desperation. It's helplessness at its most extreme, it's not having the ability to control my emotions, it's needing something that I don't have that I NEED to function as a normal human-being. It's not knowing, and not eating, and not smiling, not laughing, not hearing, not seeing, not touching, not having. : I'm suffocating. I don't know what day it is. It's guilt and shame and longing and wishing I could control it, but not wishing I could control it. It's so real, this fucking misery. It's so not fabricated. It's something I hate and despise and want it to disappear but that won't happen. I wake up in the morning and I don't want to get out of bed, and I get in bed at night and I don't want to be there. : I'm lost and I'm helpless and everything is broken. Emily... thinking about you
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