self/Self

Posted by Tchenier on June 25, 2001 at 15:14:39:

In Reply to: 4 and 8 meet at point 5 posted by Elizabeth on June 21, 2001 at 02:17:44:

: Since this is an introspective post... I've giving it to the 4 board. I need to clear my head and move on to the next thing. So I'm going to lay a few COVERT thoughts out straight and just let it be. For some damn strange reason, I'm pretty vigilant in how I look after my people. Truly not healthy for me. I give so much and no one sees my invisible gifts. I'm always so focused on making the best choices for everyone else even when it means cutting myself off. Not that I need acknowledgment... but I do NEED... and I've got to recognize my need since no one else does. Can't sit around ignoring that I'm starving. Though it's easy since I don't feel hunger pains anymore.

: How does a person learn to be blind? Can I poke out my iNtuitive eye? I see far too much. I watch everything... study... feel there is only a short time to learn a great deal. All my attempts at blind selfishness fail. I am unable to be angry when being angry is exactly what I need to be. I can't self-deceive. All I can do is minimize the number of people in my care in order to keep we few alive. Protect my charges against the hard environment.

: I always think I need to work on being selfish. The best I seem to be able to do is numb or callous. What I really need is someone to give to me or at the very least, someone who can take care of themselves and let me rest. I forget this is why I went so long without people in my life. There has to be some kind of workable situation. I need to stop making bad investments. I don't need to save the suffering and the misguided.

: Life is beautiful but it is also so cold. How do I feel about that? I have no idea.

Holloa,

It is a very interesting topic, selfishness. In fact there is no such thing as selflessness. All action is mediated through some set of values that one has ego identification with. Giving to an unfortunate for example, feels good because of ego gratification associted with the furtherance of values that one identifies with. But values come from a wide diversity of sources. Even the most mystical introvert takes on a good share of thier values from the culture at large, and acts in accordance with them mainly as an appeasement. Most of the "good" actions performed are only done because there are laws around, eithier cultural or real. Actions which are done in accordance with your values are actions that feed and give energy. All else, very questionable. So are you really giving because you are acting in accordance with your values or with someone else's? If you have to think about it too much it is probably the latter.

Anyway, since this a pet topic of mine I cannot resist the temptation to pontificate further. Our values are an expression of our evolution as humans. Virture becomes manifest as a person evolves. The force of that example constellates humanity around it and gives a culture its basic flavor. But later generations miss the inspiration and are left only with expectation. So you have rebellions against "empty" cultural norms. Well, the model explains alot, including examples of tireless efforts in the name of truely inpired vision. So, rather than think about selfishness I would instead think about what you really want and give all to that. If your deepest reflection reveals your values to be wanting you are perhaps ripe for a spiritual training regimen. Properly viewed spiritual training is only that which connects us with our deepest impulses and maintains them against the onslaught of suggestion as encountered everywhere. If this line of thinking interests you I know of a lot of literature to support it.

Tchenier

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