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Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive Re: You've been asked this question before...Posted by Hal on September 14, 1999 at 10:54:25: In Reply to: You've been asked this question before... posted by Cory on September 13, 1999 at 15:29:27:
: This isnt the first time you've been asked this, and I've seen a post on here asking the same thing but here it goes... : Anyways, I'm sorry. I hope I'm not wasting anybody's time...its just I am at a crisis in my life and need a decision, one which will make its imprint on my soul until death. : -Cory Been interrupted (pesky work...) so let's see if I can get my thoughts back together... I care because I was in much the same place when I graduated high school 10 years ago, though I didn't have your degree of self-awareness about it. I also have very mixed feelings about academia--there are both good and bad sides to the environment, and I too often find institutional learning stifling. With that said, I still think college is a great idea. It is not a guarantee of happiness. It is not a guarantee of a job or career. It is not a guarantee of a group of like-minded friends to connect with, or an end to the pain of feeling different and separate. But it is a guarantee of life experience, and for that it is supremely valuable. Choosing what to study in the first place can sem like a daunting task, but the decision does not need to be final. When I went to college, I was POSITIVE that I wanted to be an engineer (math was never a problem for me...) I laughed at all the "liberal arts" people who had no idea what they wanted to do. How I wish I could go back and do it over again... a general liberal arts or undeclared major might me just what you need to find something you're passionate about. There may also be some less traditional programs around, especially at smaller schools. I went to an archetypal big institutional school and hated it--then eventually went to another big one for grad school. Maybe you can look around and find a place that really matches your personality, values, beliefs, etc. Such a place will attract like-minded people--seekers and intellectuals who value true learning more than landing a high-paying job. It can be a much more personal experience without those "masses". They are often also more flexible about what you study, e.g. putting together your own major. Be creative! As for the people, there are close friends to be found, even (maybe especially) in college. But you won't find them at the bars and clubs, or the frat parties, or the football games and tailgate parties (my apologies to all the non U.S. people--this is just what I know...) You can probably find them in the quiet places: under a tree, in a bookstore of coffee shop, in the corner of the student union--just waiting for someone to notice them and strike up an interesting conversation. Hope some of this helps--it's certainly lifted my mood a bit. :-) Oh, I almost forgot: Have you tried talking to your parents about your indecision, your disdain for falling into the same pattern as everyone else, and how you don't feel that you could be happy taking the traditional college/job/marriage/family route? I know their attitude well because my parents are the same way, but they really do want what's best for you, even if they don't know what that is. Maybe you can help them understand what your struggles are, and get their support in pursuing a less traditional education. At the very least, you can be happy with yourself for how you expressed yourself to them. Obviously to tell them how meaningless you think their lives are is counterproductive, but you may be able to explain that your dreams are different than theirs, and that at this point in your life, you need to explore. - Hal -
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