Posted by Someone you know on July 24, 2001 at 17:48:46:
I have liked this guy for about 3 years now. I had a horrible day yesterday complete with panicky, anxious feelings of abandonment because this guy I like met someone new that he told me was much easier to talk to because he didn't have to watch everything he said like he does with me. Ouch!
We are both married sorta happily to other people- he's just one of my closest friends and the only person in the world I can discuss my bad days with. Anyway, I just totally lost it with him last night and was almost just totally over the edge with emotion-mainly telling him about my feelings for him, my jealousy of this new relationship(which he assures me is nothing), you get the picture....
Anyway, I acted like a total brat and am completely embarrassed by my behavior. I mentioned several times that I thought that it would be better if we weren't such close friends because then I wouldn't have to constantly worry about losing him. And if he wasn't around then maybe I would quit loving him. I'm just not sure I can give him up. It isn't sexual but it is very emotionally intense and my only honest relationship.
On the other hand I don't really want a casual relationship either- it would be superficial and stupid after what we have talked about. This guy is most likely a 6w5- definitely contraphobic- acts tough like an 8 but actually admitted last night that he is very insecure.
Anyway, we both talked about private things but I was the only one that admitted how much I care. He doesn't see where there is a problem except one that I am creating. It is hard to socialize with someone you are crazy about and act like you aren't.
I guess right now I am just trying to decide what to do. I wish I didn't care so much. I am TOTALLY embarrassed over how I acted- I called and apologized and said I felt like an idiot. He was like don't worry about I've forgotten about it but got off the phone in such a hurry that I could tell he didn't want to talk. I'm just feeling so stupid and rejected and have no idea why I waste my time and my honesty since he isn't even available.
I don't know what to do. Should I just quit calling him cold turkey? Any opinions? I know it would bother him deeply but then he would get offended by that too.