On the bright side, however,

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: On the other hand, there is a bright side. That is that at least it is better than what I had before, (even though it's nowhere near where I'd rather be), and there is at least one (white) tenant on the first floor who *is* somewhat dignified and respectful. So things aren't not so bad, (at least not as bad as they could be). And I can always still fantasize about my future dream home, waterfront property, or a log cabin, or something - if I can't get either of those - maybe a small trailer park or mobile home wouldn't be so bad - at least it would be white people - poor and white - I don't mind - it can still be good - it's poor and ethnic that, I don't know - just makes me feel so far away from where I would rather be for some reason, I guess. : When I do get my new and improved, better home to move into - I will *definitely* decorate it, get exicted about it, and let everyone know about it. I can't wait till that day comes. It's been such a long time where I've lived anywhere respectful and dignified enough to be able to invite anyone over. I get so tired of waiting for my life living circumstances to improve. It's been so long since I've been better off. For such a long time now, I've had such embarrassing living circumstances, too shameful to make any friends with. : To this day, I still don't tell people the truth of where I live. I lie about where I live. And I never get 'close' enough a friendship where we would actually be close enough to invite someone over. : Haven't for several years now. : Not because I didn't want to. But because I haven't been able to. It might sound unfair, but it's true, you simply cannot risk losing making friends with people that count - when you work so hard to earn thier worthy judgements. : : Thanks Rhonda, thanks for all your support, enthusiasm and suggestions, however, it's just that I'm afraid it's not exactly the same situation I am in right now. See, I'm not there because I 'want' to be. I'm only there because there wasn't really any other place for me to go for the time being and I needed to get something, (anything), in a hurry. It is only a temporary thing, nothing that I would want - and most certainly nothing to 'take pride' in. : : It is not exactly the kind of place where you decorate either, much less bring people over to. It is in a low income, ethnic neighborhood, the address, zip code, location - everything about it - all something to be ashamed of and certainly not something to advertise. There is no way would it be wise to tell anyone where you live, else you would stand losing the chance of making friends with 'good' people. If by chance, someone absolutely had to go where I was, I just make them wait in the car - as it would be considered highly disrespectful to invite them to someplace shameful. : : Same thing with decorating. Decorating someplace that is shameful and embarrassing, and you don't want to be, is not really possible either - it is simply not wise to invest in something you want nothing to do with nor be associated with. It would not help your self-esteem - it would only lower it- people would wonder why are you so 'proud' to live somewhere so low and embarrassing. People would start to wonder what is 'wrong' with you. And they would be right. I do not want to stay at the bottom of the socio-economic ladder the rest of my life. Being 'branded' as low-class is certainly the last thing I would encourage anyone, really. Thanks anyway. I'm sorry about the misunderstanding. I didn't really make the location clear enough the first time. But that was my fault. I am sure you had something much better in mind. Thanks again. : : Friends, : : Margaret : : : Margaret, : : : I have actually been where you are. & when I finally started getting out of the hole, it took a long time before my place was my Home. For a long time it was just a place where I had my own door to close. & I found that decorating helped me feel a lot better about myself! Sounds weird, but its true. Don't spend a lot of money, but don't leave things bare or just enough. Even if you use milk crates, get some leftover fabric pieces from a fabric store & cover the crates ... & for example, pictures from magazines, postcards are nice decorations for you walls, but you would be *amazed* the differnce in feeling you get when you buy even a cheap frame, put a picture in it & then put several on your wall. You'll start to feel like you really deserve to have something nice, that you deserve to be in a nice place. you know? (& people who come over to visit will think the same thing, that you deserve something good) : : : about the phone, if budget is an issue, and you can't afford both, get the cell. They are incredibly convenient. You won't have to stay home so as not to miss a call, & if you have an appointment with a freind, it is so nice to call them on their cell & say, sorry, I'm running 10 minutes late ... the best is when you are both waiting in the same place, but don;t see each other ... you won't ever have to find a pay phone etc ... : : : let us know how it goes, : : : Rhonda : : : : : : : Thank you for your support, Rhonda. I really needed that. :) : : : : There's not much room to decorate, I jist put in a rocking chair, small table, a lamp, and a small bed. I just have to get some curtains yet. Then that will probably be it for now. : : : : I didn't know cell phone would be cheaper, really? Ok, I'll look into that. : : : : Thanks! :) : : : : : Wow! No, it is a big step. & yeah, it is scary siging a lease. Congratulations! (How) are you gonna decorate? You can have a lot of fun with this cause its all your own. : : : : : ps: For the phone, have you considered just getting a cell fone instead? Its really practical, cause you can have it with you all the time. Great for a rendez-vous! : : : : : : For 4s - going to One - setting goals, keep steady at it, busy and active gets rid of depression and the low side living of four. I have been so depressed and stressed lately - moved five times just this last month - but decided to not 'give up' and instead keep going - so I kept going- and finally did something big I never did before - I signed a whole year lease for rent - the first time my entire life - I have graduated from living in sleeping rooms to getting my own studio apartment with my own bathroom and sink for the first time my whole life! 11" by 11" it's huge! It's the biggest place I've ever lived all on my own! it was scary signing the 12 mo. lease - always payed weekly (or nightly) before - never 12 mo.s before! Perhaps many of you will laugh - but for me - it is a big huge step towards getting more normal and healthier and self- able and competent in life - BIG and HUGE step up in life for me. I am also thinking about getting my own phone for 12 mo.s straight as well! BIG step in the right direction for me. It feels so weird. But I am not going to let the fear and feeling small and helpless and powerless (low side 4)get in my way anymore - it's time I start moving up and forward in my life - it feels good to integrate positively - and I'm going to keep doing it - I hope all of you do too - if not, you really should - it feels good - it is healthier and you will feel better about yourself too! :)

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