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Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive Re: HurtPosted by Ronnie on September 22, 1999 at 17:35:19: In Reply to: Re: Hurt posted by Jasper on September 21, 1999 at 17:31:13: : In answer to your last question just above, I have a lot of self doubt and low self esteem inside, can't often gage how others will respond to what I say, even though in my heart of hearts I am positive I am not pissing the other person off. Go figure. There is a word in psychology that fits me, called "hypersensitive.'' At work, for example, I can walk down the hall, pass a person I haven't seen in a while but whom I am sure has nothing against me. Nevertheless, in the slight moment that we pass I read the expression on their face as anger or disdain, and automatically process that as some form of hatred toward me. Then I go back to my desk and try to concentrate on work but have trouble because I am thinking about that person I just passed and wondering what in the Sam hell I could have possibly done to anger them, after all I haven't seen them for six months! And you thought you had problems. Listen, don't you beat up on yourself too much, as we fours share many of the same emotional struggles, and life is a process. You ain't finished yet. Keep trying to push past your boundaries in ever so slight ways, and be open to experimenting in the way you present yourself to people. It's hard, I know. I see myself in many of the communication struggles you mention (except I have never tried the yell approach yet--there are a few in my life, believe me, I want to make deaf). I echo what Amanda said about you in her message today. You'd be really surprised (pleasantly) about how you'd be received, if only the right people could be presented. I know, I keep waiting for them to round the bend.--J Well, I can say for myself that I'm a very self-contradictory person. Sometimes I'm all brash and act in a way that comes across as very self-confident--at other times I barely dare to open my mouth... I almost always expect people are finding something wrong about me and I expect to be attacked. I voice my opinions when I feel I'm strong enough to defend myself, when not, I become withdrawn and very self-doubting. It's said fours connect to the high side of one when becoming healthy, I feel like I'm connecting the low side of one almost all the time. I'm extreamly critical towards myself and much less towards others. In short, I see just all the bad in me and all the better qualities in others. I feel that I couldn't objectively say "I'm good at this", because someone could point a finger at something and say: "HA! No you're not, because of this...this...and this" I'm trying to improve, but I think I'm trying to do it the wrong way...I don't have much idea where I coming from and where I'm going to. I feel I never receive enough feedback from people. Maybe I should try and change my set of mind? Ronnie
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