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Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive Re: HurtPosted by Ronnie on September 23, 1999 at 14:53:58: In Reply to: Re: Hurt posted by Jasper on September 23, 1999 at 10:01:32: : You're simply sizing up the situation. In some cases, you have something to say, in other cases, you don't. True of all of us, except for those nitwits who always need to have the last word on something even when they don't know what they are talking about (and I dislike them). "You always have to have an opinion about everything". I hate people like that too, but at the same time I feel they're able to do something I'm not...still, I think jumping to conclusions hastly is one the worst things someone can do. And I'm always amazed how often people are happy when someone just puts his/her opinion forward in firm tone. Just sounding confident makes people trust someone. I think that's terrible. (Those people are probably types avoiding pain and discomfort--7's and 9's, for example) : : I almost always expect people are finding something wrong about me and I expect to be attacked. I voice my opinions when I feel I'm strong enough to defend myself, when not, I become withdrawn and very self-doubting. : The typical way in which we fours deal with things. Not a horrible thing, though it can limit us, that's true. I am exactly like you here. Here's the irony: We fours can actually have more profound insight into issues that people around us are mulling over, and if we dare to find the voice to express our thoughts, in many cases we'd be surprised at how well those thoughts would be received. An example, a high school history class: People are wondering when the first white man went to South America, since there are legends about a white man coming to rescue. People are just throwing in comments honestly not making much sense and I voice my opinion: "There hadn't been a white man there at the time it was written, it was just a dream of something people didn't consider possible. Especially because no white man really went there to rescue or save anyone, rather to exploit." No one said anything, not even the teacher and she just changed the topic. Have I ever felt that my opinon was less appreciated? Probably, but can't remember such a time as well. : This is the big one for we fours--ENVY. Always looking into the other guy's yard and believing he or she has his/her act together while we don't. Remember, you don't know everything about those people. I have been surprised many times to find out people whom I thought had it so much better than me were suffering from something major that I was fortunate enough not to have to deal with. Another point--life is relative. You can always point to someone who has more of something than you, just like you can always pick out someone who has less than you. Tiggy questions whether American society is really so competitive, especially compared to England. I am sure it is. We were brought up this way. The way out lies in competing only with yourself, and not peering over the fence. You might be shocked to discover that your neighbor would trade who they are and what they have for who you are and what you have. My self-perception can be so convoluted at times that I feel I'm worse than anyone else, no matter what the truth objectively is. : My point? As Tiggy and others (myself included) have told you on this board, you have special qualities, and I wouldn't want to see your "improvement kick to change your mind" to take away those qualities that you don't realize you have. Improving is great, don't get me wrong. But your use of the word sounds as if you are totally sick and unhappy about being a four, that you feel that defectiveness or unworthiness akin to fours, and wish you were different, like a healthy one for example. Instead of trying to be a different person, like those "other people" you think have it better than yourself but who really don't, do creative, uplifting "acts" that fours would do to bring them spiritually closer to themselves and to others. This is the kind of improvement you really want but don't realize, trust me. --Jay I haven't seen "Harvey", but I do get the idea. And you're right, I'm feeling sick and tired of myself. It seems that whatever I do, there's always something missing that makes me be less I wanted to be. I feel I must either achieve everything, fully, or else I'm a failure. It seems so black and white to me. There's a book about people to whom nothing ever is good enough and I intend to get at least some of it read. I'd like to add that what I think other people have isn't really an external thing. I find that others seem to have a lot of potential, whereas I feel I don't have any. Ronnie
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