Re: SHAME

Posted by Hal on September 24, 1999 at 09:08:53:

In Reply to: SHAME posted by Tiggy on September 23, 1999 at 19:16:59:

:
: Do others of you feel an innate sense of SHAME - a feeling that exists independently of anything you've done? Do you have a strong sense of humiliation, so that:-
: A) You are much more prone to humiliation through your sensitivity to it?
: B) Any humiliation you experience is much more painful, as it arouses deep seated feelings of earlier humiliation and shame, and ties in to a sense of the self as essentially bad?
: I want to find some answers as to how to get at that deepest level of shame and root it out. I know mine comes partly from being adopted, but it seems to be a wider Four thing. Or is it just the way we deal with it?
: Might an Eight who has similar feelings react with aggressiveness, or a Seven react with addiction?
: Tigs.

My first reaction was to say, YES, absolutely, that's me too, exactly. And for a long time I did feel this shame, or at least had a great fear of it. It was as if I knew there were something wrong with me, that I was broken, defective, inferior, etc., and I was afraid of being revealed, afraid that others would find out.

I haven't felt this was nearly as much recently, but there are still fears not too far beneath the surface. At the moment I don't know if it's shame or something else.

I can certainly see how being adopted would cause or strengthen these feelings. But I do think that it's a wider 4 thing as well, we just attach it to different experiences. I don't think all other types experience this in the same way, or maybe just not with as much awareness. An 8's angry, aggressive reaction, or a 3's dishonest one may be to cover up shame, but to me it all comes down to fear anyway, and others may experience this as something other than shame. If you can pinpoint what the feeling is and discover where it comes from, I think that's a great start.

- Hal -

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