You appear to be a 4w5 InFlux......

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: : Well, my cynicism causes me to be disdainful of others' feelings. I find it a burden to constantly have to step around them or walk on eggshells with certain people. I generally don't intend to be careful of others' feelings. : [If you have good will in your heart, then it's something that shouln't take too much effort. It's likely that you will only rarely and inadvertently upset someone. Do you expect other people to be sensitive towards Your feelings?] : : Yes, I generally feel ashamed and uncomfortable when I'm with people. I hate groups because I can never be sure of how I'm coming across - I can't monitor 5 or 10 peoples' reactions to me all at once. : [You should forget about their reactions. People are more likely to like you if you're less self-conscious.] : : The second question is difficult to answer. My major in college is Music Technology; it's the perfect blend of intellectual/technical subject matter and art/expression. Outwardly I'm very intellectual and people always know me as "the smart one", but when I'm alone my emotions rule. My mind is very active, but the main thing I think about is myself - trying to sort out who I am and where I belong - and the people in my life - what do I have in common with them (usually little), how do the feel about me or perceive me, who might have the capacity to understand me, etc. : [Very Fourish] : Also, at any given time I'm always obsessed with someone in my life who is distant or unavailable. This person tends to occupy my mind a lot of the time despite my best efforts to prevent this. I look at my life sort of in chapters, marked by whomever I was infatuated with during that period. : [Yeah, that's how I mark out time too.] : I never pursue these people the way I would like, it's all in the mind. I love intellectual pursuits, but as I said before I never stay with one subject long. The subjects I'm most interested in are the nature of human consciousness, psychology and philosophy. I don't concentrate well on overly-technical things like math or physics. I'm more interested in the meaning/implications than details. : : The last question is also difficult to answer. I can tell you that when I attempted suicide at 16 it was because I felt everyone around me hated me, even the people who claimed to be my friend. I was convinced that no one liked me and nothing anyone could do would convince me otherwise, though in retrospect I had little reason to think this. I fear losing control of my life, yes. I never feel that I'm up to day-to-day living, and I often lament the fact that I'm not busy/active/productive every day like so many people I see, but I never have the energy nor, more importantly, the motivation. I very much fear being rejected, but it rarely comes to light because I avoid relationships for that very reason. I had a string of relationships a few years ago, but I've all but sworn them off as a waste of time. People may think they understand me, but they never quite get it right. Basically I feel that it's inevitable people will leave when they get to find out "the real me" so I never show it to people, though I always wish I could. I hate constantly having to hold myself back out of knowing that people won't understand, but I see it as a necessity. The most frightening thing to me is when I'm entering a relationship and it starts to look like I might get close to the person, like they might start to "uncover" me. At this point I'm very likely to sabatoge the relationship. I wish it wasn't this way, but it's the best way for me to protect myself. Overall, I find getting involved deeply with people emotionally usually isn't worth it - it's too risky. : [Hmm, I tend to take the risk because I'm a 4w3 so am more outgoing and expressing myself openly is a necessity for me. Also I tend towards trust and childlike openness. Even for a 4w5, you seem Very fearful indeed of relationships. Most people on here are 4w5s and they don't seem as scared as that. On the whole a 4s loneliness tends to outweight their fears.] : [Do you find life very difficult? I'm asking because I do. I suffer from depression to the extent that it is hard for me to function. Do you still get depressed from rejection etc.?] : : : : : The Feeling function in Fours can be more introverted Feeling which is Intrapersonal rather than Interpersonal, an awareness of one's own feelings. I think though because Fours tend to be sensitive, they are usually careful of other's feelings or at least intend to be! : : : Questions to distinguish Four from Five (Karen Webb), : : : When you are with people do you sometimes feel ashamed for no obvious reason? Yes or No. : : : Is the life of the mind the most important thing for you or do you tend to experience life more through your feelings? : : : My question. : : : Do you most fear falling apart/losing control or being abandoned/rejected?

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