Posted by isaac (149.152.189.38) on April 24, 2002 at 13:18:37:
In Reply to: when the exit strategy becomes more important than the enter strategy posted by Margaret (206.203.36.168) on April 23, 2002 at 16:34:54:
mags, you misunderstand my dillema! it's not that hte exit strategy is more important than the entrance. it's that, when the exits are gone, the only reason you're staying is because you can't leave. i don't EVER want to be with someone, especially in a supposedly loving relationship, only because they dont feel like they can leave if they want to.
if you have a way out, and it's nice and obvious and labeled with a big red "EXIT" over the door, then that means that when you stay, it's cause you want to be there. it's not that i'm avoidant, necessarily. i DO enter into relationships with people, and i value them highly. but the *point* of those relationships is the joy in knowing that someone i want to be with wants to be with me. if you strip that knowledge away, by making it obligatory, you've stripped away all that is valuable in the interaction.
isaac
: Not just for this, but for all relationships, it could be due to avoidance behaviour. Wanting to either delay it, or hurry things up once you're in the middle of it, these might be due to fear of what could happen with the other person. I am familiar with these fears. And with giving the exit more attention than the entrance.
: Although with certain events, it is a good idea, with human relationships, perhaps it is not, and to give the exit so much emphasis, you can end up not entering in it the first place, however, that doesn't make a good life in the end. So I am working on changing this, slowly.
: : i've always thought that the standard wedding vows are a bit much... i mean, until DEATH? isn't that just a bit melodramatic? if and when i get married, i probably will write my own vows. something along the lines of "to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, until death do us part, unless one of us doesn't want to be married any more, in which case, we'll split up our stuff and part as friends." but i suppose that's what pre-nups are for...
: : isaac