Posted by C.A. Riley on June 04, 1998 at 16:57:27:
In Reply to: FOUR: Escaping the Relentless Despair?? posted by Jess on May 22, 1998 at 14:41:18:
:about seven months ago I discovered the enneagram w/ several friends. I myself am also a fellow four w/ a five wing. I understand dispare as deeply as you can(although as a four I'm sure you don't believe me). I have had more then enough crosses to bare. I just think that we will never escape this. Our pain is one of the main reasons we are what we are. Every person has a root sin. A fours sin is envy. The reason I bring this up is that i have noticed that we all seem to have damaging events that have shaped our lives. They seem to have created a snowball of misery. We are romantic indivuals who always feel on the outside of society and life. Our past harbor memories that are tragic and because of our keen sensitivty we are emointaly crippled from it. Everyone else who apppears happy and belongs to a group reject us for the most part. We are conditioned to dislike the masses and usually feel we are better then them(for the most part we are). yet inside all of us we would like to be a part of them. We want this because we have never reaaly had this, and we never will. We may dislike the mass majority but at the same time we envy them. Our envy is one of sour greatest down falls. It is one of the biggest factors in our depressions. I can tell you from personal expirence that the wanting need to be a part of a society that could care less about me was and is damaging. Maybe you don't feel the same way, but I have a feeling you atleast can understand how I feel. My main point is I don't think we can escape the dispare. We can submerge it and create from it but it is always there. I feel that myself and others need to turn it into strength and take on ourselves and the world with it. I hope you have been able to. Sorry to have bothered you with my obsessent rambling, but I needed to get it out of me. Good luck.
-C.A. Riley