Posted by Michelle on June 05, 1998 at 18:50:14:
In Reply to: Re: FOUR: Escaping the Relentless Despair??-TO CHARLIE posted by jess on May 25, 1998 at 10:37:51:
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: : :hi jess...Fellow FOUR Michelle here. I appreciate your posts. I am also very aaware of my depressions lately, feeling I definelty dont FIT IN anywhehre but still "longing" to find my place. It must be tough being with a SEVEN (I have a SEVEN man who is pursuing me..but I can see that he is not "patient" enough at all to deal with my moods!).
My NINE boyfriend and I are splitting up. I do have another "savior" though, a girlfriedn of mine also a NINE who is willing to take m in for now. Ive alwasy been like a stry cat ,,people alwasy giveing me "safe havens" to rest while I DEAL tihh my emotions, life etc. I have the "pattern" of finding people (mainly men, and mainly NINES) to "take care of" me since most of the time i have NO CLUE how to "be" in the real world. (Atleast I feel that way). People alwasy observe that I have many gifts and taleents (exceptional even I must admit) BUT that has never been any sorto f an answer to my deep seated "stuff". Jut becasue I might get to the "TOP" of any given "artistic field" doesnt seem to help ever. It actually seems to make me more NERVOUS that I will never be able to SUSTAIN and MAINTAIN it..so why the heck bother??
That is the mood I am in today..Knowing that I have this "self-destruction" PATTERN I guess is a good thing..but I SURE WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO "HEALTHY" FOURS.....who would like to share how to "deal with it all"....
Thanks. for listening. Michelle