Posted by Derf on September 27, 1999 at 00:43:46:
In Reply to: Our 4w3 brethren posted by Ev on September 25, 1999 at 18:39:53:
I've always believed that 4w3 is closer to 3w4 than it is to 4w5. Yet, because of the indirect nature of the 4's expression, in addition to its variety, the distinction can be especially hard to make - harder than you might suspect.
Wing distinctions are probably easier to make in the case of, say, Sevens, who are more impetuous.
One maxim for the 4w5/4w3 differentiation I've considered is that the 3-wing gives us the expressive dimension we associate with 4's, and that the 5-wing gives us the equally oft-associated introspective, philosophical dimension.
Yet, this behavior-oriented approach does not reach the crux of the problem, and I'm tempted to say that it's only a little short of worthless. Enneagram wings, as well as types, are issues concerning motivation, which in the Feeling Triad can be hidden, or at least consciously or habitually stilted, because of these personalities' emotional dependence/independence, shame, and self-esteem issues.
Perhaps the only ostenible difference in the observable realm is that 4w3 pays more attention to its appearance and quality of expression, and is therefore more given to pretense ("aristocracy" - johnmerrick). Yet, calling the difference "observable" in this case even gives us a questionable conclusion. Simply put, there's no way around it: Fours are, at heart, actors - people who self-consciously consider the quality of their expression, for whatever reason (w5, w3...), before they undertake to express themselves. This preoccupation is present in everybody to a certain extent, but the most disturbed, as such, are the personalities in the feeling triad, and, in a different way, for the other adaptive types, 6 and 9. Yet, 4 probably deals with this issue *more* than any other personality style.
Which implies that 4w3 is more suppressed, or at least indirect and skewered in its expression, than 4w5. This may be true in some cases, too.
All in all, the distinction might be one of intuition more than anything else. Which person looks more mindful, either positively or negatively, of the quality of their image projection? Which person seems more mindful of the opinions of others? The latter question can be the most difficult to answer, because people in the 3/4 space, I've learned, are very proficient at concealing their dependence on outside opinion.
But who's to say? Much of this sort of speculation is what one might call "word salad." For instance: mix 4 and 5, or 4 and 3, like seasoning in a dish, and what will you get? It can get a bit too simple for its own good. Yet realize that reality can surprise you, and be more *complex* than you are prepared for, which is why I believe that some of the more speculative popular Enneagram theories are questionable.
In the same way Amanda realized that she was a 4w5 despite evidence, I have learned that I'm a 4w3. This was a conclusion long in the making, since I'm not brazenly theatrical, as is the popular image of 4w3. In some situations, the only observable evidence of my wing preference might be the fact that I'd rather read "Guerrilla Marketing" or "How to Be a Leader" than Kierkegaard and Al Camus.
And, I know I might get some yuks for this confession, but I like Prince and Michael Jackson *much* better than Bob Dylan and what's-the-other-maverick-musician-guy's-name, ah yes. Leonard Cohen.
Derf