Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive
Posted by DQ (126.96.36.199) on September 13, 2002 at 10:54:59:
In Reply to: Re: Specifying posted by Diarmuid (188.8.131.52) on September 13, 2002 at 09:54:53:
> What if he has no important personal preferences. Think of it, if he likes you a lot he won't care if you go to a movie or the Grand Canyon on a date. So it's logical to let you make all the decisions. If he likes you, he'll be happy wherever you go because he's with you.
It's nice for a guy to want to be with me wherever we go. But I just don't want everything to be up to me all the time. I don't want to be a grown man's 2nd mommy . . . . some input is nice.
> >( I appreciate honest self-expression. ) > except where the guy expresses himself in a "doormat" way.
In general, I don't surround myself with "doormats". Some 9s, yes, it's true. I have a tendency not to respect folks who don't stick up for themselves and let others determine their direction. I'm high on 9; these tendencies were stronger in me when I was younger. Maybe this is the reason behind it.
> Yeah, that's because they've been trained by years of experience to strangle back their impulses and play the hard-to-get game. You can't ask a woman out for coffee if you're playing hard-to-get.
> Yup, it's dumb but we've found that pretending we don't like somebody pays off better than honesty.
Well, it doesn't pay off with me. Maybe it's my 5w, being high on 6 & such. Please be honest & direct.
> It sucks when the woman would in reality prefer the truth. How is a guy supposed to tell when a woman has reached the stage of not being hostile to honesty?
I'm not hostile to honesty. I'm too sensitive to hurting someone else's feelings for that.
> > > But when the interest isn't there for me, sometimes that makes the woman MORE keen.
> I think not, it's a women thing. If it was a "people" thing then all this coyness BS would be the norm in the gay community, which it ain't. Basically, if a woman gives off "I'm not interested" signals, the guy should go. Vice versa, it could mean the guy is interested.
Pardon me. Guys hanker after their ideal. I feel it has alot to do with guys susceptibility to american advertising and being very visual. Media brainwashing. I've often felt like I'm the "good for now" or "good - until that other girl finally likes me -girl". And I want nothing to do with a guy that plays games: F 'em.
No one cons me anywhere. I think some guys have liked to think that they have. Generally, grant it with some exceptions, I've known the intent of people(despite romantic hazes). And I've known their intent even when they didn't know themselves. People are funny(odd, mystifying....).