Posted by froggyTheFrog (68.35.113.192) on January 25, 2003 at 03:15:05:
One of my deepest fears is failure, and I see it all around me, because when I look around me, all I see is dozens upon dozens of things I said I would do, but have failed to do. After I moved out, my room, and now my house, is the ultimate symbol of this failure. I always live in a big pile or dump, because there is much more to life than cleaning. But cleaning, somehow is still necessary. It's an obligation I need to meet. The cleaning represents one of those things that I don't want to do, but feel I must. Then, there are other things, like tasks at my job, that simply feel like burdens because they have deadlines associated with them. What normally would be a pleasure to do, becomes a frantic fit as I strive to meet deadlines. Most of the time, I meet the deadlines, but once they are done, they often pass without notice. And all I see is the next set of tasks I have ahead... All I see is what I have not done, and because I am only looking at that, all I see is potential failure and I feel like a failure now.
I realized that at a previous job, we had to write down what we achieved each week and send our achievements to the CEO of the company. I know that this might sound scary, but I actually felt good about this job. Sometimes, I even received an encouraging word from the CEO. If you're a manager, I would highly recommend having your subordinates write down their achievements on a weekly basis, and their goals for the next week. I now realize that this led me to focus on my successes. I needed to in order to write them down. And usually, I could find at least one thing to write down as an achievement. I had to in order to look good for the boss.
Now, since I don't do this, and since I am seeing only my failures, I've decided that I should write down my achievements each week. It will help me adjust my perspective of things.
You have to work really hard to be a total failure. In order to be a total failure, every oppurtunity you have must cease to exist. Existential as it may be, the only way to total failure is death -- and even then, in your life, did you manage to walk on two feet? Say a word? If so, you've failed miserably at being a total failure.
[Insert video clip from "Rugrats" where Tommy and Chucky are listening to the "You won't go down the drain" record. ]
Froggy