Margaret

Posted by K.B. (64.12.102.44) on February 04, 2003 at 03:41:27:

In Reply to: no matter, posted by Margaret (199.95.204.187) on February 03, 2003 at 19:23:49:

I'm not DEECEE.

Regardless, I still believe, always have and always will, believe in him as a real person. I know he's real. I know he is his own person. He is his own unique individual self. He may not be able to be with me in real person, but he is still real. I feel bad for insisting that it be in person. I feel bad for being so impatient, for not wanting to wait, for insiting we be together. All I wanted to do is be with him. I wish I could be with him all my might. If it was him who called, I wish I could have known, how I wish I could know. I wasn't sure what he wanted.

> I just know I am ready to love in person and I wanted it to be with him. I wanted it to be with you, DEECEE. I wish I could be wit you. I still wish for it. I know its my fault, being impatient. Wanteing to see you and to see you now. I don't know if you called or not. I don't have caller ID. I just hoped so bad it was. It's hard to keep going on without seeing you in person anymore. It hurts a lot to be without you. I want to be with you. I am human and I just need love in person finally.

> After all these years, having never needing it, ever, I finally am experiencing a real need for love for the first time, to love another and be loved, in person. For the first time. And I guess I perhaps am just clumsy and awkward with discovering such a new need like this.

> But I do know one thing, I'm not going to feel guilty about it. Because wanting to love someone is not something I am going to be made ashamed of anymore. That's what stopped me from wanting to expeience love this whole time, I'm sure of it, in the first place. But now I'm older, and my life has changed, and I'm not interested anymore in being put down just because I think it would be nice to experience love anymore. No more. So if whoever wants to go ahead and make fun of me and call me names and make me look bad and feel bad just because I am interested in loving someone, then I guess that's their perogative, because I don't care anymore about being put down like that anymore. I don't care for it. I am just going to go ahead and work on being in a relationship, a real one, and living it, a real one, anyway. I am ready for it.

> I might be clumsy, I might be awkward, I don't know what I would look like in bed, I am very scared and afraid of what I would look like, sound like, be like, etc, I am embarrassed to be in my own skin, but I don't want ot be scared or intimidated to the point where I don't do it and run away from it anymore. I want to experience love, marriage, family, home, happiness, peace, comfort. And I have finally reached the point where I am ready for it. I don't want to be mocked out of it anymore, scorned, put down, laughed at, I don't think there is anything
> 'wrong' with it anymore.

> I have reached the point where I know it is oaky to want and need, and that just about everysingle human being on the planet earth also wants and need it. How else did human life get to living here in the first place without love family and procreation in the first place? What I'm getting at, is I also want to join in on being part of the human race as well.

> I want to be human too now. I am tired of opting out of being human. It's time for me to be a human being in life. And that means getting married, having family, home, happy life, and love. And that's exactly what I seek And that's exactly what I want to do. It's time now. I'm ready. If there are sacrifices that need to be made, then so be it. I just want to experience love and marriage and family and happiness. I'm ready for it.

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• KB Margaret (199.95.204.179) 15:39:58 02/04/03 (0)

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