Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive
Re: To Hal on emotions and masks (lost the thread)
Re: To Hal on emotions and masks (lost the thread)
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Posted by Jimmy on October 05, 1999 at 20:53:24:
In Reply to: To Hal on emotions and masks (lost the thread) posted by Tiggy on October 05, 1999 at 18:47:11:
: "I also don't feel that I hide my emotions well"
: BUT
: "most people would say that I'm reserved, that I don't usually show my emotions very much"
: THIS MIGHT BE BECAUSE
: "most people don't pay attention or just don't see it".
: I HAVE MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT SHOWING EMOTIONS OR HIDING THEM BECAUSE
: "Being true to myself is vitally important to me, but so is being accepted and approved off."
: Isn't it that you want your REAL SELF to be accepted and approved of rather than any mask you might put on.
: I can't actually wear a mask, they won't stay on my face. I feel that my real self is unnaceptable. I believe I've put it to the test enough. I'm too much for people to handle. People are afraid of me, like I'm tainted in some way. People fear reality. They fear people who don't play games. This is why I believe that Fours, unless they're only moderate Fours, are damned. I feel I am an outcast, born to be a scape-goat, a secular heretic, an orphan, a social leper.
: I know Fives who feel similar, but they just hide in their heads and people pass them off as eccentrics; it's the emotions people are afraid of.
: I've been reading a novel set in the 1900's in Ireland, and there's a little boy called Tom who's illegitimate. He's told that he must pray especially hard, say more prayers than anyone else, and that some people might not want to get near him or touch him because he was tainted. That he inherited sinfulness from his parents sin in having him out of wedlock. He is given the task of looking after the Holy Well and must touch the mud there because it's holy, in order to redeem himself of his inherited sin. He is sent to the nuns and Christian Brothers to be educated because he is considered especially vulnerable to falling into sin. I identify very strongly with him. Not that I feel I've ever sinned in any significant way, but nor did Tom. I just am sin, bad by birth.
: Sorry Hal, I'm just tired of fighting.
: Rachel.
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