Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive

Shanti's and Brenda's messages

Shanti's and Brenda's messages

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Type 4 Message Board ] [ FAQ ]

Posted by Mark on February 03, 1998 at 18:29:39:

In Reply to: Re: Hello, fellow 4's posted by Shanti on February 02, 1998 at 22:59:13:

It seems you both have a concern that I share myself, namely getting too caught up in your type. On my test, I scored a 12/31/17 for types 3/4/5 respectively, and everything else was pretty much even (except for my single digit type nine score). So while I call myself a four with a five wing, I don't rule out the characteristics of even my non-wing responses. For example, I recognize a strong analytical element to me typical of a five that I would consider stronger than just a "wing" element.

And like Shanti, as soon as I read up on my type traits, I started rationalizing away all sorts of things as "just my fourness," when I, and all of us, should always allow the outside world to challenge us. The enneagram, or any self awareness, should never stagnate, but stimulate to growth. I'm not good with confrontation, but I can't let myself hide in a four womb and never stand up for myself. Similarly, I can't keep living on the financial fringe like I do just to satisfy my four recklessness (even though I REALLY don't want to get a second job).

As to your boss, Brenda, hey, I've been there too. But like I said, don't curl up in the four-womb. And don't fall into your two-stress-move and be a giver to this rude individual. It's growth and challenge time, I'm afraid to say. I recently dealt with a confrontation with my landlord, and it was so cool, I felt like an eight/boss the whole time, and all I had to do was get into it. Like you said yourself, you're not just a four, so draw on those elements in you that appeal to confrontation and victory! Ich been ein Brenda! If I can do it, you can too.

So here's my question out to you guys: in Helen Palmer's book she describes fours as having push-away-pull-back relationships in their love lives. We try for that ultimate emotional bond, but then get scared of it when we almost have it. Now, I really didn't think this felt like me when I read it, but it's not the most flattering of descriptions so maybe I just didn't want to be like that, but it would explain a lot of things about my past relationships. Any thoughts or histories to share?

Nice meeting you both. Take it easy!

Follow Ups:

Re: Shanti's and Brenda's messages Brenda 20:27:24 2/03/98 (8)
- Re: Brenda's latest reply Mark 12:17:48 2/04/98 (7)
  - Re: Brenda's latest reply John DiFool 13:36:40 2/04/98 (6)
    - I can relate N.W. 17:31:50 2/05/98 (0)
    - Re: John's comment Mark 18:43:12 2/04/98 (4)
      - Re: John's comment John DiFool (4w5) 17:18:47 2/06/98 (3)
        
        a response to Mark and a question for John crystallynn 20:17:45 2/23/98 (0)
        
        John's latest reply Mark 09:40:54 2/07/98 (1)
        
        Re: Mark's latest reply ;) John DiFool 13:03:24 2/08/98 (0)

Post a Followup

Name:
E-Mail:

Subject:

Comments:
: It seems you both have a concern that I share myself, namely getting too caught up in your type. On my test, I scored a 12/31/17 for types 3/4/5 respectively, and everything else was pretty much even (except for my single digit type nine score). So while I call myself a four with a five wing, I don't rule out the characteristics of even my non-wing responses. For example, I recognize a strong analytical element to me typical of a five that I would consider stronger than just a "wing" element. : And like Shanti, as soon as I read up on my type traits, I started rationalizing away all sorts of things as "just my fourness," when I, and all of us, should always allow the outside world to challenge us. The enneagram, or any self awareness, should never stagnate, but stimulate to growth. I'm not good with confrontation, but I can't let myself hide in a four womb and never stand up for myself. Similarly, I can't keep living on the financial fringe like I do just to satisfy my four recklessness (even though I REALLY don't want to get a second job). : As to your boss, Brenda, hey, I've been there too. But like I said, don't curl up in the four-womb. And don't fall into your two-stress-move and be a giver to this rude individual. It's growth and challenge time, I'm afraid to say. I recently dealt with a confrontation with my landlord, and it was so cool, I felt like an eight/boss the whole time, and all I had to do was get into it. Like you said yourself, you're not just a four, so draw on those elements in you that appeal to confrontation and victory! Ich been ein Brenda! If I can do it, you can too. : So here's my question out to you guys: in Helen Palmer's book she describes fours as having push-away-pull-back relationships in their love lives. We try for that ultimate emotional bond, but then get scared of it when we almost have it. Now, I really didn't think this felt like me when I read it, but it's not the most flattering of descriptions so maybe I just didn't want to be like that, but it would explain a lot of things about my past relationships. Any thoughts or histories to share? : Nice meeting you both. Take it easy!

Optional Link URL:
Link Title:
Optional Image URL:

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Type 4 Message Board ] [ FAQ ] type4board/messages/32.html

Your Ad Here