4+5=9? Weird

Posted by Cory on October 08, 1999 at 21:01:26:

In Reply to: Re: Some responses and observations posted by Tigs on October 08, 1999 at 20:02:22:

[Tigs]: Most people would say my friend Jonathan, a definate Five, is a generally nice guy. He has no reason to hate anybody, because he never gets involved with anybody. He has no reason to love anybody either.
: He's apathy personified too. But on a deeper level, he just takes. He can't form normal relationships. He never misses anyone.

[Cory] - Earlier in my life, I missed very few. Nowadays I don't miss anybody. I think its a sign of weakness to do so...to have your dependence in another person. One should not miss another...just...move on.

[Tigs]: This Four shows her emotions, but many say they don't. When I was younger I didn't used to. The other Fours I know tend to drink a lot when they're troubled, but it's hard to tell with a Four because they are usually troubled. I've never known a time when I wasn't troubled.

[Cory] - I have a puritanical Type One's attitude towards alcohol: Never take anything that lessens your self-control! Alcohol is for the "other people" who I consider below me. Its much too trendy. Alcoholics are weak and I have no sympathy for them.

[Tigs]: "Reading the traits of the unhealthy nine didnt sound much like me.."

: Aren't the following traits you cited as identifying with, unhealthy?!!

: laziness, constant daydreaming, unsure of self, hating conflicts, routinizing (a horrendous sin to a Four).

[Cory] - No, except for the laziness. Apathy is one of the worse sins. But, in Riso-Hudsons Levels of Development...reading about the Four and Five from Level 4-7 really struck me as accurate in describing me. But when I read about the Nine's...I didn't get the same reaction. I will read over it again, anyways.

[Tigs]: I can't understand why people like to be on their own? Could you explain it to me a bit?

[Cory] - I guess I can rationalize it: I admire being independant, and not having my fate lie in others' hands. People are generally distant and can't relate to me at all, so to spend time with them is a waste. I know for a fact that I won't hurt myself, but I can't put my trust in others that they won't! I hate committments...its hard to own up to them, and it controls my life. Its too difficult for me to interact with people, especially on an emotional and personal issue. The outside world is alien to me, and my only abode is in my inner world of imagination and thoughts.

Another important point I want to mention is, besides being independant, becoming completely rational. I have feelings, sometimes strong ones, but they Always cause me problems in life. They are very untrustworthy and dangerous. Therefore I equate feelings with powerlessness and trouble. I try to repress them as much as possible and let my head rule me. That's the trouble with typing me...I don't know if I truly AM a Five, or just WANT to be a Five. Fives get feelings too right? There's an inner conflict between my feelings and thoughts, it twists me around and suddenly I can't tell which is which. My ideas have been ridiculed, apparently since I am losing touch with reality. I'm afraid I cannot understand anything. My mind is a maelstrom of passion and reason, its too difficult for me to order my thoughts into a precise order. No, everything just flows out random and jerky like I am doing now. A mix. Thoughts AND Feelings. Sometimes its too hard to suppress my feelings, I wish I could do so, because they only cause me trouble and when I try to write about them I cannot and that gets me more anxious and depressed since I feel powerless I mean whats the point of leading a tragic life if you can't express it like a fantastic artist!!!

-Cory

Follow Ups:

• No it's all like that - The Enneagram, it all adds up to Nine. (NT) More later. Tiggy 22:48:30 10/08/99 (0)

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