Re:Situation (Two examples given with suggestions)

Posted by Tiggy. on October 15, 1999 at 18:11:48:

In Reply to: Hi everyone......! posted by Summer on October 15, 1999 at 16:55:33:

:
:I can relate to that one! When something is bothering me, I try to think well in a years time I won't even remember it, or at least it won't be an issue, at the very least, I won't be worrying about it like this. Of course there are some remarks that stay with us all through our lives and with these I would suggest a rational cognitive approach.

TWO POSSIBLE SCENARIOS.

1)If something condemnatory has been said about you.

Decide if the comment is true or not. if it is true, then deal with why it bothers you. If it was just the tone in which it was said, realise it was just someone being horrible and no reflection on you (the tone I mean), if it wasn't true, you should tell yourself to have more inner certainty and not take on board what others say if you think its not true. i don't know how well you relate to all my religious shit, but I think you would agree that it is not good to condemn someone or to feel condemned. Far from this sort of guilty feeling, based on accusation rather than fact, being moral, it is completely wrong to accept such things into your heart and mind that will harm you. This is where I think religion is more helpful than a health model. We want to be healthy but there is no moral imperative, so we go on feeling guilty instead of saying to God. Look, I didn't do anything wrong, so you know I'm innocent of such and such. I'm going to believe you rather than some finite and misguided person.

2) If something has been said about someone else you know which upset you.

Decide why it upsets you.
If it is true, then you are being given a clearer, more complete picture of reality to work with. you just have to be brave and authentic - I speak as one who is going through just this scenario and has had to break up with the person involved, after 13 years. I am sympathetic, really.
You may at this stage experience a lot of anger. Have a go at God, who is used to it. Raging against God or Life is an old established theological tradition. The Old Testament is full of it. Rage, but rage safely.
If you don't know if it's true, you have GOT to find out. A tear stained face is the best approach on that one, I mean if having to ask another a delicate question. Showing you have suffered may appease any hostility felt by the person at what you are suggesting, whether true or not.
If it's not true - you are returned to your original position. It was all just a bad dream. have a cup of tea and watch the news or your favourite soap.

Trying to be practical in the face of pain. Hopefully I can apply it to myself. Have just written my final letter to my ex-soulmate, letting him know I am severing the relationship. Just so he knows it's me that's severed it and not him by not turning up!
I even asked for my Celtic Tree Oracle I bought him, back. He never used it. Bastard!

Hope you can move the situation on in some way.

Love Tigs.

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• Re:Situation (Two examples given with suggestions) Ev 19:15:59 10/15/99 (0)

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