Re:Situation (Two examples given with suggestions)

Subject:

Comments:
: After posting my original response I got to thinking about the matter a bit more as I drove home. My thoughts were much in line with those Tiggy brings forward. I realized that I only react negatively to a hurtful remark to the extent that I believe it to be true. If it's not true I may still be offended, but I won't be hurt, and there's a world of difference. If it is true then I have several choices in how I react. I can accept the truth, painful though it may be, and be thankful that I now am aware of something I need to correct. I view this as a good option. I can attempt to deny the truth, which can never be accomplished if you are of sound mind, and either lash back at the lying s.o.b. or act as though it didn't affect me. Denial of truth is always a bad option. Or I can be very up-front about my shortcoming and beg the other person's indulgence until I can make amends. : If the remark is untrue I generally don't let it get me down to any great extent. To be sure, I'm going to try to get to the bottom of things and find out why they made such a remark. Itr's best to go into these encounters with an open mind because you may find that this person had what they believed to be accurate information which wasn't. This scenario makes the problem a bit different and not nearly so clear cut. : Last thought on this subject( yeah, right), if the person is someone I care about I'll try to overlook the transgression in whatever way it takes. Friendships are too important to forfeit because we took a remark in a manner other than it was intended. : Ev : : : : : :I can relate to that one! When something is bothering me, I try to think well in a years time I won't even remember it, or at least it won't be an issue, at the very least, I won't be worrying about it like this. Of course there are some remarks that stay with us all through our lives and with these I would suggest a rational cognitive approach. : : TWO POSSIBLE SCENARIOS. : : 1)If something condemnatory has been said about you. : : Decide if the comment is true or not. if it is true, then deal with why it bothers you. If it was just the tone in which it was said, realise it was just someone being horrible and no reflection on you (the tone I mean), if it wasn't true, you should tell yourself to have more inner certainty and not take on board what others say if you think its not true. i don't know how well you relate to all my religious shit, but I think you would agree that it is not good to condemn someone or to feel condemned. Far from this sort of guilty feeling, based on accusation rather than fact, being moral, it is completely wrong to accept such things into your heart and mind that will harm you. This is where I think religion is more helpful than a health model. We want to be healthy but there is no moral imperative, so we go on feeling guilty instead of saying to God. Look, I didn't do anything wrong, so you know I'm innocent of such and such. I'm going to believe you rather than some finite and misguided person. : : 2) If something has been said about someone else you know which upset you. : : Decide why it upsets you. : : If it is true, then you are being given a clearer, more complete picture of reality to work with. you just have to be brave and authentic - I speak as one who is going through just this scenario and has had to break up with the person involved, after 13 years. I am sympathetic, really. : : You may at this stage experience a lot of anger. Have a go at God, who is used to it. Raging against God or Life is an old established theological tradition. The Old Testament is full of it. Rage, but rage safely. : : If you don't know if it's true, you have GOT to find out. A tear stained face is the best approach on that one, I mean if having to ask another a delicate question. Showing you have suffered may appease any hostility felt by the person at what you are suggesting, whether true or not. : : If it's not true - you are returned to your original position. It was all just a bad dream. have a cup of tea and watch the news or your favourite soap. : : Trying to be practical in the face of pain. Hopefully I can apply it to myself. Have just written my final letter to my ex-soulmate, letting him know I am severing the relationship. Just so he knows it's me that's severed it and not him by not turning up! : : I even asked for my Celtic Tree Oracle I bought him, back. He never used it. Bastard! : : Hope you can move the situation on in some way. : : Love Tigs.

Optional Link URL:
Link Title:
Optional Image URL: