Posted by N.W. on June 29, 1998 at 15:41:30:
In Reply to: Re: Help is the sunny side of control posted by Laura on June 28, 1998 at 01:11:50:
I know. How do you reach out to someone who won't let you in? Sometimes you have to think of depression as thinking in slow motion. There's a slow response time, because the depressed person is frankly drained and exhausted by the illness, and isn't going to be responsive to a whole lot. No one has limitless patience and understanding, either, so when things get too bad, sometimes you have to put yourself first. It sounds cruel, but it isn't. Sometimes depression is short-lived, and the depressed person may find something to pull him/her out of the cycle of negative thinking. Other times they may appreciate the rest--they really are exhausted inside from the strain. Often they will be carrying around feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem, and trying to cheer them up has the unintentioned effect of reminding them how hopeless they feel. Sometimes it helps to just be rested and happy yourself--at least for a moment, the change in scenery might give the depressed person a lift. It's a real change of pace from thinking dark thoughts to have someone come in who's fresh and active. It's very important to take care of yourself, especially if the depressed person is in your own home. Their negativity rubs off, and you get frustrated from not being able to do things "like everyone else". As you can probably tell by now, I have some personal experience with this stuff--it takes a lot to teach the depressed person to like themselves again, and sometimes things have to move pretty slowly for a while. I seem to have been given the role of caretaker when something like this happens (or maybe I just take it on myself?). I'm finding this a good discussion, too. ---
: :I appreciate many of the comments regarding helping another with depression. As a four, I found it could be a dangerous energy drain for me , to try to help another "snap out of it", or "really, feel your feelings"...all that changed for me with the work I have done since learning the enneagram. I,too, am comfortable listening...however, I now only listen when my own energy is strong, when I am in a positive state of mind,and I won't listen forever anymore!
: good discussion. Laura