Re: Everyday Social Interaction

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: : Thanks for sharing, David. That is one of the exact situations I am : : talking about. It's like if you say hello, then what? Is it going : : to take your whole day getting into this deep meaningful conversation : : with someone? How much do we really have to astound the other person : : and how deep of a connection does a hello really mean? It seems silly, : : but for some people these little everyday encounters seem so easy. : I know *exactly* what you're talking about -- in my situation, my parents (I live at home) both get along with people very, very easily. When I explain my side of things to them, they keep saying that I'm "going overboard" or simply making too much of things. They're amazed with my "overboard" thoughts, and I'm amazed at their indifference to the small social variables that seem to add up so quickly... : : Maybe it's looking at things too black and white, either no talk at all : : or a BIIIGGG deep conversation. : With my parents it's *all* the long conversation, which might explain some of my confusion :) : : Why not just hello and a few friendly words and nice to see you? I : : don't know why it is so hard. : I've found that it's a lot easier when I'm around the folks in question on a daily or semi-daily basis -- it's almost like I know from experience that they can put up with the fact that I don't know all of the particulars of socialisation, so I'm not quite as panicked. Last summer I was out of school and it was the Summer of Depression and Obnoxious Self-Analysis (psychologists apparently call it "meta-self-consciousness") every time I went out in public. This year I'm working full-time, and I'm a lot more relaxed. : It's really obnoxious how that works at some times and not others -- I've got a bit of Type 1 in me somewhere that keeps saying that I ought to be able to make myself be more relaxed all the time, and I've got a bit of Type 5 that is going nuts because I can't figure out *why* I'm not equally comfortable everywhere... %) : : Of course, if the person doesn't make eye contact, then it is really : : hard to even just say hello and then you leave, having seen this person : : or shopkeeper you see in the store all the time and you feel you were : : unfriendly or something. Big social dilemma!!! : I used to be the kind of person who had a lot of difficulty making eye contact. Those folks at the market might very well be dealing with a slightly different variant of the same thing that we're dealing with. I think a lot of folks do, but they've got more Type 3 in 'em or something because they don't show it all that well. (My parents told me the exact same thing, but I didn't believe them until I saw evidence of it in some of my friends whom I had thought were social experts and immune to things of this sort; and yes, I did answer "yes" to the "I've been too skeptical" question on the RHETI ;) ) : It's good to hear from some other folks who understand this! I've been away from this board for a while but I think I'll start reading again. : --tatanka : ... <b>4</b>w5c9w1

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