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Re: John's comment

Re: John's comment

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Posted by Mark on February 04, 1998 at 18:43:12:

In Reply to: Re: Brenda's latest reply posted by John DiFool on February 04, 1998 at 13:36:40:

Hey, bro, thanks for sharing. It's nice to know I'm not the only one in this "pull in" burnout thing. (I'd be interested to hear from the female four's perspective on this one.) I too am developing a slower approach to relationships these days, having learned my lessons. One of the great things, I've found, about the enneagram is it solidifies phantom problems into tangible ones, so I've got a concrete notion of what a problem is, and therefore how to deal with it. Otherwise, I (and probably most of us fours) bemoan my fate and wail at the gods and throw my hands up in the air, thinking it's me, I'm all wrong, boo hoo hoo, etc. etc., yada yada yada.

In regards to your troubles with your boss, here's some highlights from Palmers' "The E. in Love and Work," my personal enneagram textbook, dealing with the one-four work relationship. On the good side, both ones and fours have high standards of people and performance, of what should be done, etc. There's common ground there. A supportive one who gives her four employee the recognition and respect he craves, can actually facilitate the four's creative uniqueness, and something really great can get done. On the bad side, if a one doesn't give enough praise, or just gives the ordinary praise she gives all the other employees, the four gets resentful. He starts rebelling against the perfectionist's rules and regulations, openly complaining about the lousy dictator boss. Ones, being very self-critical people, will retaliate, and then everything falls apart.

Don't forget, in times of security fours move toward the one, so if your boss can just be nice and provide that security, you can meet each other. Maybe your boss needs to know your needs, that you need challenge in your work, something to be special at. And while I don't suggest you asking your mean boss to intentionally lavish you with flowery praise, perhaps you could express the view that you don't feel appreciated enough at work.

On the other hand, maybe she's just a jerk. Hope this was helpful!

Follow Ups:

Re: John's comment John DiFool (4w5) 17:18:47 2/06/98 (3)
- a response to Mark and a question for John crystallynn 20:17:45 2/23/98 (0)
- John's latest reply Mark 09:40:54 2/07/98 (1)
  - Re: Mark's latest reply ;) John DiFool 13:03:24 2/08/98 (0)

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: Hey, bro, thanks for sharing. It's nice to know I'm not the only one in this "pull in" burnout thing. (I'd be interested to hear from the female four's perspective on this one.) I too am developing a slower approach to relationships these days, having learned my lessons. One of the great things, I've found, about the enneagram is it solidifies phantom problems into tangible ones, so I've got a concrete notion of what a problem is, and therefore how to deal with it. Otherwise, I (and probably most of us fours) bemoan my fate and wail at the gods and throw my hands up in the air, thinking it's me, I'm all wrong, boo hoo hoo, etc. etc., yada yada yada. : In regards to your troubles with your boss, here's some highlights from Palmers' "The E. in Love and Work," my personal enneagram textbook, dealing with the one-four work relationship. On the good side, both ones and fours have high standards of people and performance, of what should be done, etc. There's common ground there. A supportive one who gives her four employee the recognition and respect he craves, can actually facilitate the four's creative uniqueness, and something really great can get done. On the bad side, if a one doesn't give enough praise, or just gives the ordinary praise she gives all the other employees, the four gets resentful. He starts rebelling against the perfectionist's rules and regulations, openly complaining about the lousy dictator boss. Ones, being very self-critical people, will retaliate, and then everything falls apart. : Don't forget, in times of security fours move toward the one, so if your boss can just be nice and provide that security, you can meet each other. Maybe your boss needs to know your needs, that you need challenge in your work, something to be special at. And while I don't suggest you asking your mean boss to intentionally lavish you with flowery praise, perhaps you could express the view that you don't feel appreciated enough at work. : On the other hand, maybe she's just a jerk. Hope this was helpful!

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