Re: confused and can't make decisions!!!

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: : Kristina, the words you have written could have been written by myself as well. YOu really aren't alone - I am experiencing the same problems with career direction & lack of motivation. My writing/singing desires seem to be a dream, if I want them realized. I can't imagine living off them, and I certainly am not satisfied in the corporate world, where I find myself. One step at a time is good advise. Another four friend once gave me a book about 'late bloomers....'. It describes people who made more of their mark later in life. As a four, I've always felt like a 'late bloomer' & every other four I have known feels the same way...don't give up! - Lauren : I don't know if all fours go through this, but I certainly did too. There was a period in my life, right after I graduated college, when I was completely miserable, felt like my life was going nowhere (and it wasn't), and was ashamed at how little I had truly accomplished. I was unemployed (or had some worthless jobs I hated over those three years), living with my mother and younger brothers, and had no friends around nor any desire to go out and make friends. : I eventually went back to school for a Master's, changing from mechanical engineering to computer engineering (I used to think I was a five) and got a well paying job, a car, a house, etc. But none of that matters--it's not really satisfying and never will be. What turned me around was connecting with people for the first time in my life. : While in graduate school, I became involved in a spiritual/philisophy/psychology/group-about-life group called the Self Knowledge Symposium. I have changed a great deal over the last year and come to many realizations. There, I found a group of people who really want to spend time talking about real things, and how they can improve themselves. I found deep connetions with people that I never knew were possible. I found the love that I had been starved for and never realized I was missing. : The point of this all is that I always thought I would get satisfaction through my career, but I was barking up the wrong tree all the time. It might be more accurate to say I was looking for love in all the wrong places. One thing I realized is that my job really doesn't matter. A lot of things we (and everyone else) do really don't matter. And the most surprising thing about this realization was that it wasn't depressing knowing how worthless all this stuff is--it was actually very liberating. I guess it freed me to put my energy into more important things (or at least into figuring out what is really important) and not worry so much about the career and material posessions that are so unimportant. : This is not to say that I slack off at my job (although I'm sitting there as I write this) or that I do poor work. I do my job and do it well; I just don't feel that my happiness or value as a person is dictated by my occupation--I don't really identify my Self with my job as I used to. : As fours, we are put in the difficult situation of being thrown into a society where these accomplishments are the most important thing, but I don't think that we naturally feel that they are important. It's just that growing up, the success mentality is drummed into us so much that we begin to look to it as our only source of fulfillment. Certainly there are jobs that a four could do that are more fulfilling--obviously anything artistic or creative is good, something that lets us express our individuality. But I think that the part of this that's satisfying for us is the self-discovery we get along the way. Whether we get this from work or somewhere else doesn't ultimately matter; the important thing is that we get it. : As for what to do to get motivated, I don't know if I can be quite as much help. Certainly the exercise idea is a good one--in those three years after college, working out was often the only reason I could find to get out of bed in the morning. Beyond that, connecting with like-minded (and hearted) people turned out to be what I needed, and I'm sure it could help you too. A group of close friends who are interested in spiritual growth and willing to work at it is an enourmous help, though people like that can be difficult to find. I'm still not very good at meeting new people, and it takes me time to really connect with them in lasting friendships, so I'm afraid I have no advice for how to proceed. But people like this do exist (and no, they're not all fours) and are worth looking for. : I'm out of ideas at the moment, but if I think of anything else, I'll post another message. I hope you found something of value here, and if you have any other thoughts or ideas, I'd love to hear them. : - Hal -

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