Re: To Karen (On frustration in growth zone)

Posted by Karen on October 25, 1999 at 17:25:39:

In Reply to: To Karen (On frustration in growth zone) posted by Jasper on October 25, 1999 at 15:38:46:

Jay--

My instant reaction to your words (and I really try to pay attn to "instant reactions" so that I remain honest with myself) was: CRAP!!! I'm TOTALLY freaked out!!! OMG!!! yup. Scared shitless (excuse my language). I feel that I've been so hurt by my own disappointment that I have an odd "fear of rejection". Myself rejecting what I do due to "mediocrity". You are VERY correct about the group setting. I can deal with groups when they are focused on a specific goal or when the common denominator of the group is to find individual self-expression. It just so happens that yesterday a friend of mine invited me to join her when she goes to a life-drawing class once a month. I'm really thinking about going. Not so much for feedback, not even to "tear myself apart" about how untalented I am (love for self-criticism). When I think of going, I actually imagine myself dynamically focusing on DOING. On the drawing itself. I hope I'm able to go (it all depends on whether I can find transportation). One of my "obsessions" is wanting to make a difference. Not to be noticed, but to ADD something to others' lives. To make things better, even if it's in a small way. I am VERY frustrated by the limitations that surround me (lack of transportation being the worst). I find it difficult now to be creative for fear of self-rejection. It's a strange thing. Of course, everything I do is based on how I feel, what my moods are. This is another problem. I'm not always "in the mood" to create, and if I try to when I'm not I become restless. This makes "following through" on projects highly difficult. The good thing is, I am willing to try anything once, and if I have (emotional) support, I find the strength within to forge ahead with doing something I want to do but feel insecure about. I feel very scattered right now, so if this message seems scattered that's why...

thank you so much for the advice. I'm going to print it out & read it when I feel the need,

Karen

Follow Ups:

• Re: To Karen (On frustration in growth zone)--a further response Jasper 11:27:36 10/26/99 (0)
• Re: To Karen - on writing. Tigs. 17:46:53 10/25/99 (3)
  • Re: To Karen - on writing. Karen 18:30:51 10/25/99 (2)
    • Another extravert who doesn't go out much-we're changing the mold! Tigs.- a DIFFERENT kind of extravert. 18:38:04 10/25/99 (1)
      • Yes, Tigs, breaking the mold as all good 4s should! :) Karen a.k.a. Athena 01:37:09 10/26/99 (0)

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