Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive
Sweet Regrets
Sweet Regrets
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Posted by synewton on August 04, 1998 at 08:59:11:
As a four, I am well aware that my emotions are capable of scaling to the
highest highs and plummeting to the lowest lows. Since meeting my husband,
my lowest lows have all but disappeared. Our life together began around
the same time that I was finishing my postgraduate medical training and
choosing a practice to join. My choices were slim. I could take a mediocre
dead end job that would offer our young family little financial or emotional
stability but would allow me to stay in an urban area that I loved and that
reinforced my fourish need to be seen as avante-garde and stylish. Or I
could take a great job that would offer our family the financial stability
to buy a home, travel and for my husband to live out his dream of owning
his own business. The negative was that this job was in a rural area where
I am among people that I shared little in common with and that make me feel
like an alien. As I said earlier, my lowest lows have all but disappeared
since meeting my husband,so I chose what I felt was the best thing in the
long run for us. I took the great job in the bad place. I live an average
life in a below average place. I miss the reinforcement of "self" that was
so easy to get in the city. I miss the happy "highs". My life has become
one continuous monotonous drone.I feel that I made a mature non 4-ish
decision and I am proud of that. But I miss the highs. One day here is
like the day before. Things are very stable now, so stable that I feel as
if I'm part of the living dead. I don't want to ruin a good thing for my
family for my own personal immature emotional thrills but I miss them.
I crave them like a junky for crack.
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