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Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive Re: Positive things about being a THREE.Posted by Hal on August 05, 1998 at 13:46:43: In Reply to: Re: Positive things about being a THREE. posted by summer on August 04, 1998 at 17:17:36: : Hal, I have to agree with you. Like I said on the main message board, all the numbers can be pains in the ass at certain levels, but I particularly find the average to unhealthy 3's offensive. When trying to point their negative faults because they've gone way overboard, you get nothing but hostility & tables turned so it looks as though YOU are the one with the problem. Hey, were are none of us perfect! I found it's an inability to admit their mistakes that causes such conflict with other people - a big drawback. And the constant bragging really grates on the nerves, too. My 3 friend used to continually put herself on a pedestal about something about her life, while at the same time, pointing out my inferior situation, etc. REALLY ANNOYING, to say the least! And the worst part of it is, she has no idea just how obnoxious she can come across. Now if she was a healthier 3, she'd be fantastic! Summer, Thanks for your feedback. It's good to know that I'm not alone in this, especially among fellow 4's. I find unhealthy 3's offensive for much the same reason you do--they cannot admit that they might be wrong or that they have any problems. I especially hate it when they us their (unhealthy) 2 wing and become manipulative. It's bad enough when they won't admit their own mistakes, but when they turn the tables and make me feel like THEIR shortcomings are MY fault, I simply can't tolerate it. And all too often I go to pieces, become apologetic, and make decisions I regret later. In those moments, there seems to be no way I can win, and afterwards I kick myself for days or weeks for my exceptionally poor judgement. This is an issue that has come up for me very stronly recently, and I've had a hard time finding a good way to deal with it. At least I now understand a little better how "integrating to 1" relates to this--it means seeing this type of situation more objectively, and being able to detach from your emotions at the time to see the situation more clearly. It's those emotions that the 3 triggers (remnants from throughout childhood and growing up) that cloud my judgement and cause all these problems. My psychologist has recommended that in situations like this, one possible course of action is to simply delay making a decision. Tell the 3 that you just need to think about it (or something similar) and take time to step back and think it over. This seems like a good solution for at least some of these cases I run into, though some do require immediate choices. But I guess that if you can't diffuse the 3, the next best thing is to remove yourself from the situation, and take the time to let the emotions brought up by the 3 diffuse a bit. This makes an objective decision easier. If anyone has other ideas for how to handle this I would love to hear them. And I hope my experiences can help everyone else out there. - Hal -
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