Re: Positive things about being a THREE.

Posted by Hal on August 06, 1998 at 09:02:07:

In Reply to: Re: Positive things about being a THREE. posted by Summer on August 05, 1998 at 16:24:10:

: Hal, I know how you feel. (of course I do, I'm a four!) I have had difficulty with my 3 friend in the recent past. Your comment about touching on childhood feelings really triggered something in me. Their attack & denial at the same time sets of in me an explosion of nasty feelings all at once: rage, frustration, hurt, confusion, and a feeling of being out of balance so I can't think properly. It's an absolutely out of control, horrible feeling. I think your idea about taking time to think is a really excellent one. What they want is for you to react right away; then as you are raging, they go into a calm state, pointing out how crazy & horrible you are. If you don't give them what they want, you will have time to think more clearly while they go overboard. I think that's the key: don't be sucked in to their comments. I found my friend is really good at saying the most hateful, hostile, insulting things while remaining perfectly calm, even laughing. It makes me lose control. If you think of how to react in advance (ie. hold back) you will stay in control of yourself. An unhealthy 3 with a 4 wing is no picnic either, believe me.

I do believe you about a 3w4. I would have thought that 3w4's would have more understanding about this than 3w2's but I guess I'd be wrong. It seems that all unhealthy 3's have a good dose of 2 manipulation in them.

I feel that same explosion of nasty feelings in situations like this. But for me, the biggest one brought up from childhood is GUILT. My parents would constantly run these guilt trips on me; they would make me feel that if I didn't do what they said then I was causing them terrible pain an trouble, and I was essentially a bad son and person. At least that's how I saw it at the time, and those feelings are still around today, not matter how much I think I'm aware of them. Whenever someone tells me in a very definitive way that I HAVE to do something or SHOULD do something, it triggers this, and I become like a mass of jello, unable to stand up for myself or think objectively. It's a terrible feeling (but you already knew that. :-)

I forgot where I was going with this...I guess it's just that I wish I was free of this prison of guilt, and that I could handle these situations and people on the fly, the way I imagine being able to do it. But I'm sure you knew that too.

BTW, my father is a 1w9 (possibly with a stong 2 wing also) and my mother is a 2w3. It's almost ironic that as a 4, I disintigrate to the manipulative 2 that my parents used against me. For better or worse, we do tend to automatically follow the examples our parents set for us.

- Hal -

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