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Re: Sweet Regrets

Re: Sweet Regrets

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Posted by Hal on August 06, 1998 at 09:26:34:

In Reply to: Sweet Regrets posted by synewton on August 04, 1998 at 08:59:11:

I take it you're a 4w3 and not a 4w5 since the way you're perceived by others is so important to you. Not that there's anything wrong with that (as Seinfeld might say), but I'm just trying to better understand where you're coming from. Personally, I don't like big cities and would be happier living in the rural area, but I can imagine how unhappy I would be in an urban environment (I've been there.) If it's any consolation, I think that you did the right thing in choosing what's best for your family, and you should feel good about that.

It's an unfortunate fact of life that we can't experience the highs without the lows. So maybe it's almost a good thing that the monotony of your life right now is getting to you (getting you down?) I certainly know how that drone can be--I've been there for years at a time--and good news is that it will lead you to make some kind of change in your life.

I don't mean to put down your 3 wing, but I believe it's a mistake to look to others to provide you with validation of who you are. This sense of self is something we need to find within ourselves. I don't claim to have completely found it for myself yet, but I do know that when I've placed this need onto others, it was really due to a misplaced self-doubt and unhappiness within me, and it put a lot of strain on my relationships to expect so much from others. Living vicariously through others has always left me disappointed and depressed.

I also believe that a lot of your unhappiness stems from our basic fear as 4's: that we are missing out on something better. As a result, we are always thinking about what we've left behind from our past (the urban life, in your case) and our dreams for a perfect future (for you also in the city.) Something we all need to try to do is live in the moment, wherever we happen to be in our lives, and enjoy the positive things we DO have rather than worry about what we are missing. Because we really miss so much when we miss the present.

- Hal -

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: I take it you're a 4w3 and not a 4w5 since the way you're perceived by others is so important to you. Not that there's anything wrong with that (as Seinfeld might say), but I'm just trying to better understand where you're coming from. Personally, I don't like big cities and would be happier living in the rural area, but I can imagine how unhappy I would be in an urban environment (I've been there.) If it's any consolation, I think that you did the right thing in choosing what's best for your family, and you should feel good about that. : It's an unfortunate fact of life that we can't experience the highs without the lows. So maybe it's almost a good thing that the monotony of your life right now is getting to you (getting you down?) I certainly know how that drone can be--I've been there for years at a time--and good news is that it will lead you to make some kind of change in your life. : I don't mean to put down your 3 wing, but I believe it's a mistake to look to others to provide you with validation of who you are. This sense of self is something we need to find within ourselves. I don't claim to have completely found it for myself yet, but I do know that when I've placed this need onto others, it was really due to a misplaced self-doubt and unhappiness within me, and it put a lot of strain on my relationships to expect so much from others. Living vicariously through others has always left me disappointed and depressed. : I also believe that a lot of your unhappiness stems from our basic fear as 4's: that we are missing out on something better. As a result, we are always thinking about what we've left behind from our past (the urban life, in your case) and our dreams for a perfect future (for you also in the city.) Something we all need to try to do is live in the moment, wherever we happen to be in our lives, and enjoy the positive things we DO have rather than worry about what we are missing. Because we really miss so much when we miss the present. : - Hal -

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