Posted by LSDeimos on October 30, 1999 at 23:38:52:
Cory: Carl Jung the analitical Psychologist? Well thats your preference..*LOL*
I think i was a little vauge in complaining before. Anyway i'm a highschool student, i seinor. Anyway here is the text from my Feelings page, which i really don't feel like putting up on my page on the internet, because some people i know in R/L go there. anyway here it is....and i sound absolutly stupid i know. its okay i've had enough people tell me......How I think people Veiw me... as a person or a thing? Many people in general don't seem to like me...which is all for the better i suppose. I don't do anything to anyone...i just excist for some reason here and people find the need to just absolutly hate me...so i kinda put up a defence for myself towards people i don't know and people in general... and that causes me to appear stuck up in ways and extreamly pessimistic. People are almost afraid of me in a stupid way like it hurts them to talk to me or look at me. It seems to me people i know on the internet feel the same way with me. how pathetic is that??? Seriously i take words from people to mean constant sarcasm and i can't relate to that well and then i feel absoulty horrible. I can't tell if they are complimenting me or just making fun of me...its that hard. I walk through school and i feel like i shouldn't be there at all, you know all isolated and apart from everyone. Like they all have something I don't and can't have, but i don't know what it is. That causes me to despise almost everyone. To my freinds i appear as a cousler/therepist to them and they consantly come to me to get advice or just someone to talk to. I bothers me that these same people don't like to listen to me...but then again i have nothing to say. everyone thinks i have secrets...and i do... but i trust veryyy few with them. People think i'm deep and mysterous and they be all stupid. I'm not a totally cynic and i like making people laugh and laughing..I am emotional but unemotional at the same time. Its very strange really....Someone dies and i never cry or mourn or anything, you know when something serious happens..? .... but when something happens that may seem like nothing to most people i cry and cry endlessly.. I'm deppressed alot and have been for awhile as in years but i learn to deal with things on the inside and i hate doctors so i never actually go to any for problems. I am very lazy and crap and have nooo moivation...i don't feel like i reflect an aries in some ways...except in temper and such..hehe. Do i actually want to go to college? yeah but my dad makes me feel like i don't want to go...i dunno. I never really ever felt connected to my parents but they just piss me off to the extent to where i can't take it anymore.
if i keep writing everyone will accuse me of having a self pity party and curse me off.....i know you will.
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Fears........etc..or..simple annoyances
Being alone...and being with people as in school
total darkness
being outside at night (thank youuu Blair Witch! that movie is overdone anyway)
heights....such as big winding stairs and floor to ceiling windows
rabies (I had a weird obsession with rabies..i think because it scared me)
Dreams (my once in awhile astral projections)
Hell....(no not hell hell...screw that :P its this place me and my freinds sneak too.. a bunch of rocks jutting out into a lake...we go swimming there at night with the bears)
The Monastary (abandoned and haunted i think)
the Ice House (an old abandoned ice house also supposedly haunted)
Stores closing on me
amusment parks
being in school
being laughed at
being lost anywhere
commuting on the train (i always feel out of place and it pisses me off...and i know no one wants me to sit with them)
Waking up early
.......LiKes..........
Smell of rain... thunderstorms...
creating things and likeing the result for once
the feeling of orginization when I actually have my room clean.
getting things in the mail excluding college crap
NYC (I love the city soo much.... i can't wait to go to college and mabe live there...)
porches and stoops (i love sitting out on porches...and when i lived in Brooklyn for 10 years of my life i loved sitting out on the stoop)
going out anywhere...
staying up late
...HatEs......
I hate people who are fake. I hate people who are compulsive liars and lie even when un-nessasary. I hate girls who think they can get any guy they want and actually try. I hate seriously huge people that try to dress as if they were a size 0 and what pisses me off more is they get away with it. If i did that the whole world whould be blind! I hate wannabee gangstas.... i mean seriously we live in UPSTATE ny....this is not Harlem people!! I hate websites run by 14 year old girls excalmating how cool they are and you just have to follow thier fascist......uhhh fashion advice or you will be the most uncool thing in the world. I hate people who think they are so unique and diffrent because they... Oooooo dyed their hair or god forbid get their eyebrow peirced....yet there are thousands of people going for the same look as them and they know it as also the way of thinking they usually have....ohhh teen agnst...lets all be angry at the world. Why do some people look and act anger? are they actually angery inside or do they think its cool. I'm probaly hypocritical eh? should i be angery? Mabe the world is soo screwed that no one can tell....or you should be angry at yourself. By non-conforming you actually are conforming with those who don't want to conform, so there is no point. Most of the things that happen to you are your fault in one way or another and being angry won't help.....doing anything won't help this world now...it may seem to but it doesn't. I hate people who search for problems that aren't there and then go to shrinks as if to seemingly think its great and that they are special in a way. I hate loud obnoxious people. I hate work...i rather be homeless and beg for my money. I hate not being free to go where i please when and where i want .
I am done mabe unless i think of more...i dunno..overloooking what i wrote it sucks my ass.