Re: full of goo

Posted by Hal on August 14, 1998 at 09:00:13:

In Reply to: full of goo posted by amber on August 14, 1998 at 04:44:03:

: Summer I think it's cool that you are finding out who you are at 15. I always say that I'm 19 going on 90. High school is crap, trust me. I'm talking about the education part but the social aspect. You will soon learn that people are stupid, no offense but it's true. You wouldn't believe how many of these personality tests I've taken trying to figure what the hell is wrong with me. So just be yourself, problems and all. On another note. I would just like to say that i don't think it's possible to have a decent relationship. Ah, but's that's a whole new can of rotten maggots.

Amber,

It's painful to see someone who is as angry, bitter, and cynical as you are at such a young age. Then again, I felt much the same way when I was in high school and college, so I hope you will get through it as I (mostly) have. I wish you could be a young at heart 19 going on 20 rather than 90. Age comes soon enough, and wisdom (and cynicism) doesn't automatically follow.

I also used to think that people were complete morons, and that I and a few of my friends were the only ones with any sense. I have since found that all these "stupid" people are really just terribly afraid; they're voluntarily blind, stumbling through life with their eyes closed and they're too frightened to open them. And now instead of hating them I mostly just feel sorry for them. But there are people, such as those on this message board, who are facing their fears and trying to understand where they come from. And it is worth the trouble to seek out people like this in 'the real world', because they are out there and they are dying to meet us much as we want to meet them.

The bitterness is also clear in your comment about relationships. I'm still looking for a great relationship, but I'm hopeful that I can and will find it. I wish you the best in finding this hope that I know is within you.

I won't go into the whole story of what turned me around in all this (perhaps another time), but the short form is that by some small miracle, I was able to open my heart to those around me, and I began living from a place of love rather than a place of fear. I have also realized that there is really nothing "wrong" with me, even though I may be different than all those non-4's. I don't want to tell you what you have to do (that would be manipulative, something I've realized I tend to do), so I'll suggest that you try to find the part of yourself that really cares about others. It did wonders for me.

- Hal -

p.s. I think you meant to write this to Cali; Summer is the other Lauren on this message board.

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