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Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive It's about a relationship - not a corporation....Posted by Amanda :) on November 01, 1999 at 10:56:11: In Reply to: Summer, see my response suggesting a formal/written agreement/contract posted by Cecil on October 31, 1999 at 19:24:12:
: : Cecil, please see my comments below on : : Sometimes I think you project your own tendencies onto others - you should try to become more aware of it. : Cecil
I think that your suggestions are a bit 'out there' for a relationship - and sound more like the 1-ish need for perfection. People don't come in neat little packages - all following the rules to the letter - human interaction can't 'breathe' that way. I have seen this kind of negotiation work in business settings - and even (to an extent) in hostel situations where people have no choice over who they live with - and have to do SOMETHING to be able to co-habitate peacefully....but Summer is talking about a relationship in which both parties chose to be in. It also strikes me that she hasn't said in her posts that she ACTS on the things she is concerned about - but rather, is sharing a 4-ish perspective on reality vs longing.... There is no rule book that everyone must adhere to when talking about relationships. Things are not always so cut-and-dried. Sure, there are things that can seriously hurt a relationship - and need to be avoided for the health of the relationship, but no two people are alike and no two couples are alike either - so what may work for one couple may be disasterous for another. Trying to codify the process seems somehow impersonal to me - and stifling. Where is there any room for being spontaneous? Or for making very human mistakes - and learning from those mistakes? I'm quite certain that I, for one, could never flourish and grow in a relationship were I to apply the kind of rigidity you have suggested in your post. I know I'd need more breathing room than that! smiles
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