Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive
Re: closeness
Re: closeness
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Posted by Cali on August 16, 1998 at 01:27:56:
In Reply to: closeness posted by Ann on August 15, 1998 at 22:35:14:
: I just got back from a small summer girls camp where I was having the time of my life for 2 weeks. Everyone there was so supportive and unintimidating and uncliquish you'd swear you were in a 4-ish paradise, though few (maybe none) were 4s there. Anyway, despite this wonderful social situation, I found it difficult to get close to anyone. I feel weird giving my friends hugs and find myself pushing them away. I know 4s tend to have a push-pull form of relating with the opposite sex, and I suppose that applies to regular friendships as well. What can I do to help get over this. I hate not being able to make eye contact with someone who obviously cares about me. : BTW...Cali, I'm glad you liked the shyness page. I read some of what you wrote about relationships. I agree with Hal that its great that you know yourself this well at age 15 (I'm 15 too). Anyway, don't let it bum you out if you remain boy-less. College is the time to get cracking on that. Highschool relationships don't usually amount to much, although they do wonders for racing hormones. Fours feel that they are missing something and try to find it in others. Its all inside you, don't ever forget it. :-) Ann-
I know exactly what you are saying when it comes to not knowing how to reciprocate (der...sp?) in relationships- Most of my friends are pretty outgoing and
looove to give hugs and have "close" conversations and I started getting angry at myself for not being able to perform in the same way. I cared about the person
a great deal, and felt guilty that I couldn't open myself up to them. Sometimes it would end up in them thinking I didn't like them or enjoy being around them
and I missed out on a good relationship- which made me wake up. I found that to cope, it worked best to initiate the conversations or hugs, so that I wouldn't be
in a dilemma when it was time to reciprocate, it put me in charge and I didn't worry about responding- they were responding to ME. Pretty soon, it was just normal
to hug my friends and talk w/ them about anything that I really had fun and got to know them so much better. I still always feel intimidated however, when I am
just meeting a new person and start talking to them- it is so much easier to be yourself around someone you know, but by initiating things w/ someone you already
feel somewhat comfortable with, it a good starting block to doing that w/ others. I truly hope this helps, I'm just writing from experience.
Also, thanx for the advice on relationships! I know high school relationships are usually over-rated and don't work out, and maybe sometimes I try to find something
to complete the void. But I also feel that there are so many others that can bring the best out of a person, so I just gotta keep goin at it and let things come...
Good luck!
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