Hmmmm....

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: : : Hi Cecil :) : : : I think that your suggestions are a bit 'out there' for a relationship - : : Speak for yourself, there are plenty who do not, and perhaps DO wish it were a tad bit more black and white, cut and dried, and why not? Why should it be so 'mysterious' (read: evasive of responsibility)? : : : and sound more like the 1-ish need for perfection. People don't come in neat little packages - all following the rules to the letter - human interaction can't 'breathe' that way. : : Perhaps if people DID start taking more responsibility, instead of desiring to evade it, there would be less arguing about it and more content. You sound like you want to avoid the hi side One, why is that? Too much desire to evade resposibility on your part? : : : I have seen this kind of negotiation work in business settings - and even (to an extent) in hostel situations where people have no choice over who they live with - and have to do SOMETHING to be able to co-habitate peacefully....but Summer is talking about a relationship in which both parties chose to be in. : : So am I. A relationship IS RESPONSIBILITY. Your desire to 'divorce' the two strikes me of NON-REALITY. Whenever you decid eto come out into the REAL WORLD and join the rest of us living in it, you, too will see that the two words: responsibility and relationship equal the EXACT same thing. Meahwhile, you keep sinking in your dreaming life away, imagining a world of no resposibilities that does not exist. Come out into the REAL world and join us! : : :It also strikes me that she hasn't said in her posts that she ACTS on the things she is concerned about - but rather, is sharing a 4-ish perspective on reality vs longing.... : : Another evasion, Amanda? Ok, so what good is 'talk' without the ACTS to BACK IT UP? Ever hear of 'FOLLOW THROUGH'? Or are you THAT stuck in your desire to evade responsibility? If you don't plan to FOLLOW THROUGH, then why make the attempt to MISLEAD others? : : And what's this bullcrud about 'Fourish' 'longing vs. reality'? If you'd stop spending the majority of your time evading REAL LIFE (a.k.a. RESPONSIBILITY), then you'd be moving up to hi-side ONE, instead of staying stuck into lo-side Four 'longing' (read: sitting on your a** like a bump on the log doing NOTHING worthwhile) : : : There is no rule book that everyone must adhere to when talking about relationships. Things are not always so cut-and-dried. Sure, there are things that can seriously hurt a relationship - and need to be avoided for the health of the relationship, but no two people are alike and no two couples are alike either - so what may work for one couple may be disasterous for another. : : I've already talked about 'customizing' rules, so please discontinue wasting time using that as a lousy 'excuse' to acheive your REAL attempt to defend LACK of establishing a set of (custom-tailored) rules, order, standards, norms that serve to bind, bring together and connect two people who out of choice want to be there for each other. : : If you desire to ignore establishing to set any kind of tailored rules, standards of conduct and norms due to childish desire to hold onto selfish ego-driven lack of responsibility, then DON'T COMPLAIN when your relationship goes to hell. : : : Trying to codify the process seems somehow impersonal to me - and stifling. Where is there any room for being spontaneous? Or for making very human mistakes - and learning from those mistakes? I'm quite certain that I, for one, could never flourish and grow in a relationship were I to apply the kind of rigidity you have suggested in your post. I know I'd need more breathing room than that! : : Trying to evade resposibility seems childish, foolish, imbecile and irresponsible to me. Maybe you're just not ready to be a grown-up, that's all. : : : smiles : : : Amanda :) : : 'smiles' back : : Cecil : : P.S. I didn't know about YOUR desire to pick a bone with me. : Hi Cecil : Who's desire to pick a bone with whom? : What's got so up your nose about my post, Cecil? You seem to have the impression that I somehow 'evade responsibility' in relationships - and we weren't even talking about me. You have absolutely no idea what I am like in relationships - present or past - so how can you make such sweeping statements? : I wasn't trying to personally attack you here Cecil - simply stating the way I see things - and it happens to be different to the way you see things. Why must you take everything as a personal attack? And why are you so angry all the time? : peace : Amanda

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