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What feelings are real during push/pull?
What feelings are real during push/pull?
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Posted by soleil on September 01, 1998 at 22:15:21:
I had a difficult day today...but interesting! Last night I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We almost broke up. I was angry with him and was feeling resentful about some aspects of our relationship. I'm not feeling like I'm getting the necessary space I need (I'm a four with a five wing, I need lots of solitude). My boyfriend is a nine who loves to "merge" with others all the time (it's very foreign to me!) During that conversation, I was in so much pain that I was ready to break up. Once we got off the phone, I felt a little sad but mostly relieved that I had aired my feelings.
Now today is a different story. I felt so sad and depressed I couldn't really function. I felt the strongest urge to call my lover up and ask him to not leave me, that I love him, that I felt as if I had made a big mistake, and that I am so sorry if what I had said hurt him. I was ready to BEG for another chance and was praying that he wouldn't call it off. I was missing him intensely and was ready to drive to his work (1 hour away) the minute he'd want me to. I have never felt this intensely about him before.
What I want to know is, what feelings are real? Do I down deep really love him, but am so afraid of abandonment that I won't show it under normal circumstances? Or am I just going to the extreme because it's out of habit and any kind of loss (even if it's healthy and necessary) throws me into a tailspin. Perhaps my real feelings are in between these two extremes. Right now I don't know what feelings are the most authentic. I suppose the near future will give me some clarity... I do know that in the past I do have a habit of doing this... although with less drama (I am growing). Any thoughts on this???
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