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Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive Re: What feelings are real during push/pull?Posted by Teresa on September 02, 1998 at 00:28:37: In Reply to: What feelings are real during push/pull? posted by soleil on September 01, 1998 at 22:15:21: I think this dilemma may be what I hate most about being a 4. I often do this very early on in a potential relationship and in examining how to break this pattern, I've had to try to figure out when I'm pushing someone away, 4-style, and when it honestly just isn't right to pursue a relationship with the person. I have no answer here, but I'm learning. It seems that when I'm genuinely not interested in a relationship, I back off and feel no regrets. Then there's the situation where I do want the relationship, but I still manage to find something wrong, back off but then feel terribly bad about how I blew it. So maybe the regrets are telling us something, although it's inconveniently after the pushing away has been done. How do you recognize it's the 4 compulsion talking before you act on it? And even if you recognize it, it can be so hard to resist the compulsion. Okay, I'm not very helpful, but I anxiously await anyone else's suggestions to get past these thoughts and the self-sabotaging behavior that comes from them.
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