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Re: Fears

Re: Fears

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Posted by Tiggy on December 02, 1999 at 19:11:42:

In Reply to: Re: Fears posted by Ronnie on December 02, 1999 at 04:14:24:

the other kids were children of very unhealthy, often alcoholic and abusive parents
[then it was an extreme situation, not one that could teach you a lesson about life in general. You aren't with those sort of people now, and not likely to be again, unless you specifically opt for frontline social work. Even then, you wouldn't be the smallest or the one alone.]

who says the people I interact with now aren't similar? They don't seem to be and especially not at the university, no way.
[Spot the contradiction! Who says? You say. No way, is what you say-not the people at the university.]

It seems most of the people are fives or fours.
[You lucky thing! PLU then. (People like us- in case you don't know the expression)]

No loudmouths, bragging, "being-the-loudest-gets-you-heard". I felt like a fish out of water, really.
[So are you the equivalent of the loudmouth amongst them. I don't mean you're loud, but do you feel that you are brash and aggressive or angry in contrast to these polite, honest Fours and Fives? You mentioned something about your accent before. Do you feel you are uncouth in comparison or from a lower social background?]

I scare people away before I get a chance for exchanging a word. most people run away when I get near
[Is that because you're doing something that you're unaware of? Maybe you have a look of aggression or anger in your eyes, or a look like you're psyching them out! My friends husband, who is a Four incidentally, I think, nearly always has a look of aggression/anger in his eyes and it scares me. I know he has had problems with aggression and had to go to a therapy group organised by the social services because he was getting physically abusive, and it stemmed from the aggression he'd witnessed in his family as a child. But I find him very off-putting. And there aren't many people bother me in that way. He comes across as a new man, new ager type, organic macrobiotic food and runs a men's group, but the look is still there in his eyes, and partly it's a look of hurt or fear - but appears as anger. I only wondered this because of,
Suspicious stare? I was smiling, goddammit! ]

[But it could be in the way you speak, I wouldn't have a clue. You'd have to ask a close friend whom you know would answer honestly, if there is anything a bit scary or threatening about you. As a disembodied online personality, you don't come across that way at all. So I don't see why you should be perceived as scary, unless it's something physical.]

If I could say "I don't", it would be easier to change.
[Well, you don't! It's quite simple - you know it's not only not necessary, but not doing yourself a service.]

And it was easy for you to tell what your type is, wasn't it?
[Didn't understand why you put this after my bit about not understanding why everyone didn't like me. Was there a connection? Am I missing a joke here?
Yes, I did know straight away. It's the only description I've found that manages to describe me, though since then I've moved away from some of the more negative aspects of Fourdom. There are bits that don't fit me entirely, like envy - the E writers practically redefine the word envy for the Four vice to make it fit in with the Seven Deadly Sins, and actually they seem to mean thinking that the grass is always greener somewhere else. But I don't experience much envy in the usual sense. Also I don't think I really enjoy melancholy, but then I'm not sure that anybody does. It's the feeling that a sad song or place resonates with your feelings, that makes you feel better because your pain is recognised in the world so you feel less alone. That's not liking being melancholy, but liking company! My friends and even my mum also said that it described me. The EPNF is also a fairly accurate description of me too. Before I came across these two things, I never found much that related to me very well, except parts of the Aries character, but a lot of that was quoshed by depression until recently.]

Follow Ups:

Re: Fears Ronnie 05:06:59 12/03/99 (7)
- Re: Fears Tiggy 12:46:31 12/03/99 (6)
  - Ways of the world Ronnie 15:56:29 12/03/99 (5)
    - Why I would laugh! Tiggy 13:37:52 12/04/99 (2)
      - Now I see... Ronnie 06:44:24 12/05/99 (1)
        
        Cheers mate! NT Tigster 14:20:05 12/05/99 (0)
    - This discussion... Julian 18:08:18 12/03/99 (1)
      - To Julian Ronnie 00:37:26 12/04/99 (0)

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: the other kids were children of very unhealthy, often alcoholic and abusive parents : [then it was an extreme situation, not one that could teach you a lesson about life in general. You aren't with those sort of people now, and not likely to be again, unless you specifically opt for frontline social work. Even then, you wouldn't be the smallest or the one alone.] : who says the people I interact with now aren't similar? They don't seem to be and especially not at the university, no way. : [Spot the contradiction! Who says? You say. No way, is what you say-not the people at the university.] : It seems most of the people are fives or fours. : [You lucky thing! PLU then. (People like us- in case you don't know the expression)] : No loudmouths, bragging, "being-the-loudest-gets-you-heard". I felt like a fish out of water, really. : [So are you the equivalent of the loudmouth amongst them. I don't mean you're loud, but do you feel that you are brash and aggressive or angry in contrast to these polite, honest Fours and Fives? You mentioned something about your accent before. Do you feel you are uncouth in comparison or from a lower social background?] : I scare people away before I get a chance for exchanging a word. most people run away when I get near : [Is that because you're doing something that you're unaware of? Maybe you have a look of aggression or anger in your eyes, or a look like you're psyching them out! My friends husband, who is a Four incidentally, I think, nearly always has a look of aggression/anger in his eyes and it scares me. I know he has had problems with aggression and had to go to a therapy group organised by the social services because he was getting physically abusive, and it stemmed from the aggression he'd witnessed in his family as a child. But I find him very off-putting. And there aren't many people bother me in that way. He comes across as a new man, new ager type, organic macrobiotic food and runs a men's group, but the look is still there in his eyes, and partly it's a look of hurt or fear - but appears as anger. I only wondered this because of, : Suspicious stare? I was smiling, goddammit! ] : [But it could be in the way you speak, I wouldn't have a clue. You'd have to ask a close friend whom you know would answer honestly, if there is anything a bit scary or threatening about you. As a disembodied online personality, you don't come across that way at all. So I don't see why you should be perceived as scary, unless it's something physical.] : If I could say "I don't", it would be easier to change. : [Well, you don't! It's quite simple - you know it's not only not necessary, but not doing yourself a service.] : And it was easy for you to tell what your type is, wasn't it? : [Didn't understand why you put this after my bit about not understanding why everyone didn't like me. Was there a connection? Am I missing a joke here? : Yes, I did know straight away. It's the only description I've found that manages to describe me, though since then I've moved away from some of the more negative aspects of Fourdom. There are bits that don't fit me entirely, like envy - the E writers practically redefine the word envy for the Four vice to make it fit in with the Seven Deadly Sins, and actually they seem to mean thinking that the grass is always greener somewhere else. But I don't experience much envy in the usual sense. Also I don't think I really enjoy melancholy, but then I'm not sure that anybody does. It's the feeling that a sad song or place resonates with your feelings, that makes you feel better because your pain is recognised in the world so you feel less alone. That's not liking being melancholy, but liking company! My friends and even my mum also said that it described me. The EPNF is also a fairly accurate description of me too. Before I came across these two things, I never found much that related to me very well, except parts of the Aries character, but a lot of that was quoshed by depression until recently.]

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