Posted by Ronnie on December 03, 1999 at 05:06:59:
In Reply to: Re: Fears posted by Tiggy on December 02, 1999 at 19:11:42:
: [So are you the equivalent of the loudmouth amongst them. I don't mean you're loud, but do you feel that you are brash and aggressive or angry in contrast to these polite, honest Fours and Fives? You mentioned something about your accent before. Do you feel you are uncouth in comparison or from a lower social background?]
I feel I'm brash and aggressive when compared to them and that I have to contain myself most of the time. I'm not really talented at listening pointless debates about subjects of purely academic interests and the way I like to express my opinions isn't really that refined. I think writing on this board obscures that to some extent, I'm always a bit more straightforward in speech than in writing. As opposed to our dear friend Derf's self-description. :) Anyway, I just really don't know how to relate to the people there, they seem to be rather insecure about themselves and some favor using the "intellectual" way of speaking as a method of overcoming it.
: [Is that because you're doing something that you're unaware of? Maybe you have a look of aggression or anger in your eyes, or a look like you're psyching them out! My friends husband, who is a Four incidentally, I think, nearly always has a look of aggression/anger in his eyes and it scares me. I know he has had problems with aggression and had to go to a therapy group organised by the social services because he was getting physically abusive, and it stemmed from the aggression he'd witnessed in his family as a child. But I find him very off-putting. And there aren't many people bother me in that way. He comes across as a new man, new ager type, organic macrobiotic food and runs a men's group, but the look is still there in his eyes, and partly it's a look of hurt or fear - but appears as anger. I only wondered this because of,
: Suspicious stare? I was smiling, goddammit! ]
If I have, it's totally unconscious. In the picture I was smiling, if I really stare at someone angrily, it's completely different, you won't find a glint of humor anywhere then and my eyes are definitely a lot harder.
However, I typically don't feel agressive or angry towards people, I'd just want to find out what they are like. Sometimes I do feel agressive and I know the expression on my face is a way different then.
: [But it could be in the way you speak, I wouldn't have a clue. You'd have to ask a close friend whom you know would answer honestly, if there is anything a bit scary or threatening about you. As a disembodied online personality, you don't come across that way at all. So I don't see why you should be perceived as scary, unless it's something physical.]
Well, a friend described me as "Mr. Worf" in high school (y'know, that character from Star Trek) so maybe that explains something...but what there's to do? Start staring at my shoes all the time or playing a little boy who has lost his mommy? I can't change my physical appearance much, I'm not taller than average height but I'm fairly broad. I know it can't be because I was agressive in the way I speak to people, because I'm not aggressive in my speaking style.
: [Well, you don't! It's quite simple - you know it's not only not necessary, but not doing yourself a service.]
What makes you so sure?
: And it was easy for you to tell what your type is, wasn't it?
: [Didn't understand why you put this after my bit about not understanding why everyone didn't like me. Was there a connection? Am I missing a joke here?
Not a joke, I've seen many descriptions where one the defining four characteristics is "feeling special and that usual restrictions don't apply to them because of that."
Ronnie