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: : Um.. don't mean to butt in here, but I am I guess! : Ronnie, if I were built like you I wouldn't feel afraid to express my fourishness. So perhaps people wonder why it is that you feel you need to take a guarded position. I, on the other hand, am a complete featherweight, couldn't possibly defend myself, and sensitive to boot. Yet I try, anyway, to the extent I can not to hold anything back whereas I suspect people can sense you put up a bit of a guard tower and they're like, "huh? what's this guy got to be afraid of?" : What I said is, I realize, a pretty sophomoric observation but perhaps this isn't: Perhaps if you were to consciously take in less information about what was going on around you...close your eyes, as it were, stop taking in information about people without reciprocating...people would respond differently to you. I know I'm talking out of my ass here. I dunno, just wanted to say, hey I AM a vulnerable guy. I've tried weights, weight-gain formula, the works...nothing. Maybe you should realize you possess something not all of us have... : Hope I'm not too out of line here... : Julian : : : [I tend to use humour in those situations, in an attempt to bring things back down to earth. You could try putting across the completely valid view that knowledge has to be applied and applicable. That's one that's hard to refute, unless the knowledge is just fun for them, which is okay - as long as people recognise they are doing no more than playing intellectual games. You could think of college as a playground where the still relatively young practise and hone their mental skills through intellectual game playing.] : : Well, it can be questioned if the issues are truly purely academic or just in my own way of perceiving things. At any rate, very abstract and theoretical issues I don't have much interest about, I'm interested only in things that connect to and can be seen in practical life. In short, their interests (and the way they talk about things) are different from mine and therefore it's hard to find anything to talk about. : : : [Well, it would be, although you have mentioned feeling angry and hitting walls lately. If it's coming out that's a positive thing, but it may have been there in your eyes all the time - like I said about my friends : : : husband. Do some imagined conversations in front of the mirror and check, but do them like you normally do - it can be tension too; I'm starting to perceive the links between fear and anger.] : : I have to try that out sometimes, but what if I end up being too scared? *L* I meant my anger, when I feel it definitely isn't unconscious, but that I'd use it to scare off people I'm not angry at would be. : : : I typically don't feel agressive or angry towards people, I'd just want to find out what they are like. : : : [Do you possibly look at people with an expression of curiosity that might unnerve the timid!? I did mention, 'a look like you're psyching them out!'And you said yourself that the people there seem insecure. I mean, if you looked at me like that, I'd probably just laugh, but if you're a big chap, then they might feel threatened.] : : It can be possible that I unnerve people not really sure about themselves. : : Btw, why would you laugh? It would be a sign of nervousness. My comments about my size is below. : : : ["Mr. Worf" - had to phone my nephew to find out about this particular piece of intertextuality.] : : : [fairly broad. - what does that mean by Scandinavian standards? Do you mean broad-shouldered or a big build or a little overweight?] : : Broad shoulders, big build and a little overweight, but not plump. I'm 1.79m tall (without shoes), weigh about 94kg, my chest is about 105cm and my waist the same. Scandinavians are a different breed, really, when thinking about typical Norwegians. : : : I know it can't be because I was agressive in the way I speak to people, because I'm not aggressive in my speaking style. : : : I feel I'm brash and aggressive when compared to them : : : [Isn't that a contradiction? Why do you feel you're brash and aggressive then? Do you mean more abrupt? That can also come across as aggression; a sort of cutting people off. Like if you're having a discussion and someone says, 'Well I think such and such.....', that leaves room for more dialogue, but if they say, 'That's crap', or 'Your wrong', then the other person may feel intimidated and not want to continue the discussion. Here, as you probably know, Northerners are often seen as a bit abrupt - more outspoken, and less softened by niceties.] : : I know the Northern style and mentality better than the Southern. I've seen BBC dramas about people in the North and I'd say their behavior is very familiar to me. I just don't understand why you always have to wrap everything up in a bunch of "Yes, but I think and wouldn't you rather blah blah blah". : : : you know it's not only not necessary, but not doing yourself a service : : : What makes you so sure? : : : [You said yourself that it wasn't necessary to be aggressively defensive in the environment you're in. And I don't see that there would be any need for it in most environments. You have to have a sense of steadiness; a certainty about perspective and value - as Andrew Blake said to me, 'You have to believe in your own reality'. Some people believe in God instead, but then you have to identify with God (ie that God is within you, that you are a part of God), rather than seeing yourself in contradistinction to God, as some people have done in perceiving themselves as bad.] : : I do believe in my own reality. I believe too strongly in it, that's my problem, not being open to other possible interprations. : : : "feeling special : : : [I believe that everyone should feel special, that's why I champion feeling special. I believe I'm special, but I can't believe it for anyone else can I?] : : There different ways of feeling oneself special, it should be in a healthy way as well. : : : : : that usual restrictions don't apply to them : : : [That was almost a self-mocking joke actually.] : : : : : : [PS. I think no one's taken Finland very seriously since the Monthy Python song, 'Finland, Finland, Finland!' I've never read any Finnish writers; only Norwegian, and those were really depressing!] : : Well, that's their problem, do you think anyone takes the British seriously after seeing Monty Python either? : : Anyways, of the Finn writers Mika Waltari and his "Sinuhe" is probably the most famous, then there's Väinö Linna and "the unknown soldier", the latter one is something I'd recommend. : : Ronnie

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