Re: Fours and their "emotional states"

Posted by Hal on October 19, 1998 at 14:56:59:

In Reply to: Fours and their "emotional states" posted by European Son on October 17, 1998 at 00:47:20:

: Bear with me here....This message has been a few months in the making so these thoughts are kind of scrambled together...and theres no sentences, as I am a big fan of ellipses..(its a new form of writing; I truely am the artist)

:
: I managed to go through high school with little to no friends...Oh I had people I talked to occasionally but nothing ever really happened...Rarely went out and spent most of my time alone in my room...
: So about a year ago (summer before senior year) I started reading about personality tests and the like and the web...And I took this enneagram test here and I came out to be either a 4w5 or 5w4....the more I took it it leaned more to the 4 I accepted this for a while..It seemed to fit.....but the more I started thinking and reading about it the less accurate it seemed. I'm no elitist, I eat at McDonalds, the anti-thesis of elitism....I don't see this as "selling out"...And this romantic image and this emotion thing? I don't consider myself a romantic at all....In fact I'm notoriously unskilled in the romantic arts I have a disinclination to giving flowers and candy, particularly on valentines day, not that I've ever been in a situation where I've been expected to give such things...And about emotions....aren't 4s emotional reserved? Isn't cheap mainstream emotion like the titanic (Not that I'VE ever seen it) more the stuff of other types? So it sort of bothers me...I sometimes see these messages from people claiming to be 4's that go on and on about how 4-like and emotional they are, and I secretly suspect these people to be 6s or maybe 7s... I don't know...maybe I'm not a 4 so I don't have a clue about being a 4. Anyway, I don't consider myself unemotional, but I've been called unemotional by my parents and others....this kind of shocked me...I thought I always appeared at least self absorbed. But I can't relate to being depressed all the time either....sometimes I'm downright happy for no good reason...unfortunately, this usually only happens when I'm alone....And so my story ends here...Now I'm in college, its better then high school but its still not where I want to be....Its an uncomfortable feeling that I'm delaying my life yet again...So I really don't know where I'm going with this...I'm just trying to liven things up a bit and raise some issues that I see with this enneagram thing....I've probably left many things that I wanted to say out...I promise next time it will be one issue per message... so...bye

From what you've said, I would guess that you're a 4, but like Cindy said, you really have to search within yourself to decide.

I seem to have had a similar childhood to you, and for a long time, I thought I was a 5. Of course, I didn't know about the enneagram, so I didn't have a name and number for myself, but I thought of myself as a scientist/thinker type. I went on to get an engineering degree, and I now work as a computer engineer. I also appeared unemotional to everyone. The fact is that I was very emotional inside, but afraid to show it to others. I was also very out of touch with my emotions--controlled and haunted by them, but out of touch. And I know exactly how you feel about being in college, and again having your life "on hold".

The path to self knowledge is a long and difficult one, but you've got a good start. I've found the enneagram a very useful tool for understanding myself and others. The first step is just to be more aware--read about the different types and see what parts apply to you, and become aware of why you do the things you do. At the same time, get out and experienc life--life is that thing that's passing you by while you're imagining a better future. As depressing as things may seem now, there is good to be found in it, and it is well worth the effort it takes to look.

- Hal -

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