"....but...." bursts bubbles!

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: Hey Em :) : : : E-Wonderful post...I keep wanting to call you Manda Panda. =o) : Feel free to call me whatever takes your fancy - although I must confess that 'Manda Panda' is a new one on me! : : E-I was thinking the other morning as I opened my car door, gazing up at the early-morning sky, how wonderful it would be to stare at the sky for a living, figuring out why the stars are there, discovering new ones : ...but I'm not cut out to be any sort of scientist. ;) : Rule #1: "but" bursts bubbles! Don't even allow so much as a whiff of a "but" to insinuate it's way into your bubble. Not ever. The 'but' is anathema to the bubble. : Do you realise that practically every bubble in the history of humankind was single-handedly destroyed by a 'but'? Think about it....they impose immediate restrictions in every direction; they lower self-esteem, they introduce limitations, they block further probing....in other words - they leave you nowhere to go. : I'll use your illustration about star-gazing as a case in point. : In all likelihood, you have scrapped the idea of star-gazing based upon the fact that you believe that you aren't 'cut out to be a scientist' - therefore there couldn't possibly be any kind of niche for you in the field. Most would say that further probing would be pointless. For some, maybe a lack of achievement in the sciences is entwined with the feeling of being somehow defective. There goes the self-esteem. You can keep going down this path and, before you know it, every door is closed. : Like I said - nowhere to go. : : : Whatever your 'thing' is, you usually discover that it's what you like to spend most of your time doing. It's that thing or things that you would rather put of other things to do (did that make sense?). The golden rule with these kinds of bubbles is that you must suspend judgement whilst mid-bubble. Stay with that picture of your 'ultimate' life-style - and build on it. Fill it in with as much detail as you can. The more you do it, the more that knot in your stomach will not only loosened up, but it will start to feel those first butterflies of excitement. : : E-I have done this several times in my life. I'll ask myself, "What is the one thing that would make me feel completely happy...like I am exactly where I was supposed to end up." One thing, that has given me more satisfaction than anything else I have EVER experienced, is singing with my choir. It is ineffable, the way I feel while singing with them, expressing the music as it was supposed to be expressed. And you know, it's not even the concerts and performances that give me this feeling. I could live without them! It's the practices that I love, refining the sound, and singing together in such a relaxed environment. My choir teacher, who I've now been with for four years (every single freaking day), I think explained it best, "There is a certain magic that I can find nowhere else but in my soul when I create music." How absolutely wonderful it would be to have a choir of my own. But, even if I don't make a career out of it, which I probably won't, I know that I will ALWAYS, somehow or another, sing in a choir...always. I honestly can't imagine my life without it. No matter my problems of the day, no matter what is going on in my life, music is the absolute one thing that allows me to let go, and express the seemingly inexpressible. : THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF THING I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!! : Can you imagine what it would be like to sing in a choir for a living? And I don't mean some sorry excuse for a choir, either. I mean the best choir - the perfect choir for you. One with a repertoire that you just adore singing....that really gets the juices flowing. Songs that could have been hand-picked by you. Hey, hold the phones....maybe you could be employed by the organisation to seek out new material for the rep! Find promising new composers and commission them to write choral music for you choir (of which you are also a member, of course) - or you write the choral pieces yourself.... : Like I said.... : : : Hey, it's your bubble....knock yourself out. : : E-I'm likin' this bubble thing. I've been in it since I read about it! : I TOLD you this process didn't have to be all wailing and moaning and gnashing of teeth. We 4's have the gift of the bubble - and it's a much more pleasant way to discern future directions than all that tedious worrying and frustration! : Now Em - I want you to re-read this passage very thoroughly. : : : Never make the mistake of allowing the "but I'm not talented enough" bullshit anywhere near your bubble. It has absolutely no place there - and it only gets in the way. Tell it to piss off whenever you catch it rearing it's ugly little pock-ridden head. It's poison - and needs to be purged. I can't stress how firm you have to be here. We 4's have an unhealthy attachment to our insecurities. Insecurity often feels more familiar to us than than integrity. The trouble lies in the fact that to live with integrity, one must put one's real and authentic self out there for all to see. The pay-off is that you get to be exactly who you were meant to be - and to grow into becoming the very best of who you can be.... : : E-I'm Trying not to do that, but it is Damn hard : Which brings me to Rule #2: : Never 'try' - just 'do'. : Sure it's hard - no one ever promised you easy. But is it really that much harder than staying where you are - being less than who you know you really can be? 'Trying' has so many connotations of 'effort' and 'load' - and doesn't really achieve anything in the long run. It's just the drawn out and sometimes painful pre-curser to the 'doing' bit. The only success I ever had after protracted bouts of trying where when I finally let go of the trying, and got down to the doing part. The other thing about 'trying' is that it gives you a way out. It says that maybe you will and maybe you won't [achieve your objective]. While ever there is this kind of convenient escape clause in your thinking, you will always entertain thoughts of failure, at least on some level. Doing starts when the trying stops. : : : : : : The fact is that no one knows how to do become a master in their chosen field over night. You become a good writer by learning how to become a good writer. You hone your skills along the way until you start to discover that you are writing the kinds of pieces you always dreamt of writing. Anyway, whatever your dream is, just remember that we all start from the beginning as babes in the woods and we all crawl on the way to learning how to fly.... : : E-mmmm metahpors : I've got a million of them, you know. Have I ever told you about the bee's knees and the wasp's nipples? : : : I envy you Em. This is a great time in your life. Stop worrying about it and get to work on it. I would love nothing better than to hear that you are knee-deep in bubbles by the end of the week! : : E-Ha! I am not one to be envied! And I'm already to my ankles in bubbles...I'll try to get 'em a lil' higher for ya! : There goes that 'T' word again. Bubbles were designed to float quite effortlessly, you know - and to soar up to the heavens.... : smiles : Amanda :) : : : : Enjoy! : : : Amanda :) : : Thanks for the gift bubbles :) : You're welcome :) : : -Emily, who is lost in a robert shaw chorale piece at the moment ;)

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