it's about society's opinion of me

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: I already said the only jobs I can get don't pay much. : So I last one day, two at the most. : It's hard to stay in a job that pays little and next to nothing, when you can find out how to live a better way not working like a slave. : Why bother if you can live a more comfortable live without working like a slave for next to nothing? : The problem is I have lived my life not really 'working' like a slave for slave wages, but I've 'topped'. There's a ceiling, I've reached it. : There's only so far you can do and go without 'working'. : The only next step now is to get 'real' work, but I have to deprive of the life I have now in order to do it, and I don't see much of a gain to get that exceeds the gains I now have. : To work 'real' like everyone else would put me further behind, and make me lose what I prize the most, my freedom, and for what? : Why enter the slave trade for little to nothing? : But I've reached a 'ceiling' in the world of not conforming to society and 'blowing things off' and not really living anywhere or not doing anything 'steady' and 'permanent'. : Just living off my wits. : If I can manage to live on 'nothing' comfortably, why give that up to live on 'nothing' very uncomfortably? : The only gain I would get is validation that I exist in society as a slave. : Right now I exist as a nobody. : I guess slaves are a step above nobodies. : But is the need for society's 'higher opinion' of me worth losing my comfortable life for? : I fight this everyday. : So far I don't see that it is. : But something makes me want to see that it is. : Cecil

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