Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive
Double-Four relationship
Double-Four relationship
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Posted by John DiFool (4w5) on February 17, 1998 at 01:05:57:
I think it was Helen Palmer in her book on love and relationships who
said that the 4-4 relationship was the rarest. Weird-you would think
that another four would be the answer to a typical four's wildest dreams!
I mean-here is someone who can...(on average of course so this may not
apply universally-my only caveat): a) Understand you better than any other type could ever hope
b) Handle and grok your emotional intensity
c) Join you on flights of fancy real or imagined
d) Have the same basic conception of the ideal love affair
e) etc. etc. etc. So why aren't there more? Why do Fours marry another type most of
the time instead of another Four? Maybe they do-and Palmer's data is
dead wrong! Of course there is a Dark Side to the 4-4 (there always is
when dealing with Fours): a) Playing emotional Ping-Pong with each other via the typical Fourish
Push-Pull pattern
b) The sudden plummet to earth as the romantic illusions sooner or later
bite the big one
c) Extreme possessiveness and maybe even competitiveness
d) Tendency to infect each other with their morbid moods
e) At worst, suicide pacts. ;-)
f) Etc. Etc. Etc. So what I am saying I guess is-two healthy Fours can make it work.
Two unhealthy Fours will probably end up driving each other to the brink
of insanity or depression or even suicide. But we can say this about any
pair of types, can't we? This is indeed a conundrum... ---John DiFool "She tells my story back to me
She says, "I'll live this chapter till eternity"" ---The Church, "Disenchanted"
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