Re: Why 4s push and pull

Posted by Hal on December 17, 1998 at 14:02:03:

In Reply to: Why 4s push and pull posted by Boon on December 17, 1998 at 07:54:43:

: I wonder if the classic push & pull symptom of 4s is a subconcious
: mechanism to test if something is genuine or not in the vein of
: the Chinese saying: only pure gold survive the furnance ?

Boon,

Your timing is impeccable. This push-pull has come and hit me in the face just now, and seems to have ruined a chance I had for a great relationship. So it is definitely on my mind.

It could be that we do this as some kind of test, though I'm not sure what we would be testing. Are we testing ourselves or others? Are we questioning their genuineness or our own?

Something that occurred to me is that we may actually be terrified of getting what we want. I most want to feel connected to someone and get close to them. But my 5 side is afraid of losing something of myself if I give too much and let someone too close. And my 3 side is afraid that I'm just not good enough and can't measure up to the image I present. So it leaves the 4 confused and conflicted, and I end up saying and doing things that push people away.

I've also read that we tend to desire the unattainable, and lose interest in things that are available. The wanting is somehow more satisfying than the having. So forcing this distance lets us keep up our interest in something, maybe out of a fear that we'll lose interest. Why we lose interest in things we can actually have is something I really don't understand.

These are just some of the thoughs running through my head, but I'm still very confused about it all. Any other suggestions would be most welcome.

- Hal -

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• Re: Why 4s push and pull Boon 09:17:12 12/18/98 (0)

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