Posted by Amanda on December 22, 1998 at 09:52:10:
In Reply to: Thankyou posted by Milly on December 22, 1998 at 09:32:12:
This raises a question for me regarding anger....
I have real difficulties when it comes to expressing anger and I find that I envy my 8 sister who seems to be able to let it 'all hang out' and then it's quickly over. We were both raised in a family where anger was quite taboo. We were always told to 'go away and cool down' before sitting down to calmly resolve any problems in a more 'civilised' way. The lesson for me was that anger was a 'bad' thing and something that signified a loss of control. (My sister came along quite a few years after the rest of us. Our father died when she was still quite young and the rules had drastically changed for most of her growing up years.)
So how does one deal with anger in a healthy way?
Is it enough to write it all in a 'vitriolic' letter that remains unsent, and then just let the matter drop?
I agree that it is unfair to vent anger at the expense of somebody else, but how does one do it without either blowing up or wimping out?
I'd really appreciate some imput on this folks....
Amanda
: Hello again
: Just wanted to thankyou for your ideas on 'what to do'. I found it very affirming to find that I'm not the only one who has trouble expressing and dealing with difficult emotions. On examination, I find that I do have alot of anger and sadness in there that needs attending to. I've become somewhat depressed lately and that usually masks my anger-they say depression is anger turned inwards and I think I must agree. I think the counsel to 'give it time' has been a good one. Given a bit of time, these unpleasant beasties are beginning to surface - and I'm trying to go gently with myself, instead of driving myself from myself in my usual masochistic way (if you know what I mean).
: I am also trying to see things from her point of view. Not in the blow-by-blow details so much as from her 6 point of view.(I spent the best part of a year getting the blow-by-blow descriptions from her point of view). This perspective is enabling me to see a 'bigger picture' here. I must allow for the possibility that I have gone to the 2 in supporting both my friends - I must admit to the occassional thought "after everything I've done for her!" feeling(..as much as I hate to say it). I can also see where she may have gone to the 3 in seeking approval...there was certainly enough evidence of it.
: I had written her a vitriolic letter borne out of my anger - which I never sent. I needed to express it somehow when it (the anger) briefly reared its ugly head...and the letter served its purpose as far as it went - but I agree with the sentiment that acting out of anger is usually counter productive. I don't think it would have achieved anything but more problems...and it certainly wouldn't have done her any good . I'm not the sort of person who can just sound off, caring less who I hurt in the process...never have been. Maybe love is the only answer.
: Anyway, thankyou again for your contributions...it has all helped.
: Gratefully,
: Milly