Posted by Mercurio (4w5) on December 25, 1998 at 23:41:35:
In Reply to: What to do? posted by Milly on December 19, 1998 at 11:08:27:
Dear Milly,
Of all the suggestions I saw so far, the only one I couldn't entirely agree with was Derf's. Aaron made a great point about the diet: although I've yet to check out the site he attached, I know from studying Ayurveda that some nutritional patterns can actually be detrimental to thinking patterns. Hal makes a great point in suggesting a cool off period where you can actually think things through in order to act as objectively as possible. Finally, Boon makes a great point by bringing into the mix the distintegration factor.
The reason that I slightly disagree with Derf is the argument of taking the "initiative." I'm confused: what is it precisely that you have done wrong that requires you to apologize? This will only aggravate the situation, since you'll only contribute to her temporary madness. Should you give in to apologies, you'll only talk yourself into a locked room with a ticking time bomb.
Where does the analogy come in? Let me elaborate on Boon's contribution. You are dealing with a six that's obviously mishandling a stressful situation (six disintegrates into three). Except possibly for Eights there is probably no type more hell bent on sticking to their "vision" of what the truth is than a three, which explains why she sees you as the other woman--after all, you are "sleeping" with the "enemy."
This is only scratching the surface of the problem, though. What about wings? Is your friend a seven wing or a five wing? If she's a five wing, there might be some hope, as she'll be likely to base her judgment on the external circumstances of the situations if approached in the right fashion. If she's a seven, though, you're in for a long ride, since her main concern is the avoidance of pain through all means possible, even if it means making you the "fall guy."
The truth shall set you free, my friend. Do not give in to the notion that acting in a "one" type fashion is about perfectionism. Instead, it's about doing what's right. Regardless of the circumstances, tell the truth. Life's too short to be someone else's scapegoat or to feel guilty for someone else's behavior. For if you apologize to your friend for something you haven't done, you'll only let her off the hook from dealing with reality and you'll be living a lie yourself.
In the end, though, whatever I say might not amount to a hill of beans if it doesn't agree with what your heart is telling you. After all, I can only base my assessment of the situation on what I've read. If you're ever to play your role in this life, you must be true to yourself. Follow your heart...